Broken Herts

By Lisa Banahan

Broxbourne hosted West Herts at home this weekend and secured a much needed 3 points to remain 3rd in the East Premier League. The Badgers went into the tie without regular keeper Freya Green, sidelined with a broken wrist following a fall over her 4 week old puppy in her Hertingfordbury home. The puppy has since been accused of being paid off by last week's opposition to purposefully injure the 17 year old Broxbourne superstar. Following public pressure regarding “puppy-gate", the puppy herself appeared on the ITV chat show “Lorraine" to doggedly deny allegations of a Brown envelope, claiming the alleged parcel to be a poop bag.

The Badgers dominated from early in the first half, with the pace of Charlotte Skipp and Kerri Marshall causing the West Herts defence problems. Broxbourne won a number of short corners courtesy of ex-international Gemma Wilkinson, and Emily Wilkinson made up for some poor touches early on to put her side in front. Wilkins has struggled to find her usual masterful touch following a poor training session last Tuesday, and the badgers were relieved that the midfielder could take a confidence boost from the goal. The series of short corners resulted in an injury to Lucy “Bob" Hoskins, opening up an old wound on her nose from a falling brick in her building career. This wasn’t the first occasion in the first half that blood was spilt on Badger Field, with one of the West Herts players also seeking the attention of Broxbourne captain and bruise identification specialist Dr. Laura Wills. Wills has gained experience dealing with pitch based blood spatter as a result of Emily Wilkins multiple facial injuries over her 5 seasons with the club.

Charlotte Skipp added to the Badgers’ tally minutes later by deflecting in a rebound from the keeper following a Kay Finch reverse stick cross. The Badgers continued to dominate throughout the first half, with the spine of the team being held together well by Alice Brown, Becky Scarrott and Pip Evans. Evans topped a recent online poll to identify the best defender in the East Premier League. However it turned out 12,000 of her 12,004 votes were linked to the same Bishops Stortford IP address, close to where Evans has been rumoured to reside. The defender has declined to comment on the curious coincidence.

Emily Wilkins continued to grow in confidence throughout the game and managed to stun the stadium into silence with her reverse stick sweep attempt, which miraculously took a deflection to beat the keeper, despite its poor execution, lack of pace and accuracy. The three goal deficit inspired the visitors to make a come-back, and a circle penetration resulted in a short corner. The slip left produced a nasty bouncing ball which slipped passed Kim Hillery in goals. Seconds later the half time whistle went, giving the Badgers time to regroup.

The second half saw the Badgers go from strength to strength, seeing success from aerials by Laura Wills and some long balls delivered to the forward line by Cat Cattermole. Charlotte Skipp again showed outstanding reflexes, deflecting a rebound off the keepers pads into the back of the net for her second, earning her a coveted Badger badge.

Becky Scarrott, still buzzing from her 3 vote sweep Badger badge win last week, scored a screamer of a goal off her reverse stick straight into the top right corner. Her celebration, clearly pointing to her badger badge, showed the fans how ending the 2 season badge drought had revitalised the player, managing a single vote again this week. It was not the first time Scarrott had used her infamous reverse strike in the game, previously being denied only by the header attempt of Kerri Marshall. Following her transition from football to hockey, the diving header has been a part of her game that she refuses to discontinue. Marshall, Doncaster's most promising songwriter, has had to reschedule a photo shoot for her new album cover, due to her swollen forehead.

In the post match press conference Scarrott attributed her goal in part, to the long corner setup involving Emily Wilkins and Alice Brown. Brown was unable to attend the press conference, having been tipped off about a “Colin the Caterpillar" cake on sale in an M+S in South London, commenting “I just can’t risk having to pay the full £7 when there’s a £3.05 deal on offer". Her Twitter post later revealed that the successful purchase had been made, temporarily relieving some of the midfielders’ financial concerns.

The stadium erupted on the final whistle, led by super fan Sam Gates. Sam has never attended a game where the Badgers have lost and continues to be crucial to ensure Badger success on a Saturday. Next week, the Badgers take on top of the league Brom Beck away from home. They will be without star centre back Pip “The Wall,” Evans who is representing the GB over 30s snowboarding team in the half-pipe World Championships in Liechtenstein. The Badgers will have to work extra hard away from home , especially without the league's best defender on hand.