“Badgers hold steady, after missing chance to cash in three points on Black Friday weekend”

By Alice Brown

The Badgers were back on the road again this week after a slurry of home games. For the avid match report fans out there (all two of them), you may have noticed the delayed delivery of said report, which can only be attributed to one thing: Black Friday mania.

First up to the counter was old timer Gemma Wilkinson, who grew up in an era without supermarkets, let alone discounted goods. The squad were concerned when Wilkinson did not arrive at the agreed meeting point within the M2 service station; upon releasing a short description of a “fake ginger in a tracksuit” across the Tannoy, she was found in the food aisle with an armful of fried chicken and chocolate. Claiming the gifts were for her children, Wilkinson was escorted from the premises after concerns her gluten levels would be unfit for her to play.

Meanwhile Claire “Cat” Cattermole haa been avidly awaiting all season for the infamous new away kit to go into the sale. After setting multiple google alerts, the right half was left with an empty basket as the kit remained at full price. Cattermole was left disappointment not just by the lack of Black Friday sales on the kit but the lack of support from her umpiring community who enforced the Badgers into their pink kit for the game. Luckily for her, Tor Stacey’s embracement of the previous summer sales enabled her to be on hand to provide a spare ensemble.

Elsewhere Captain Laura Wills was called upon another emergency, this time her savvy communication skills were called upon by left back Lisa Banahan who has been trying to redeem a refund from consumer giant Amazon after they overcharged her for a NIKE head garment in the mayhem of Black Friday orders. Banahan, who was trying to be inconspicuous about the incident after claims she was embarrassed about being passed over for a sponsorship deal with both NIKE and Amazon Prime. However, Wills had to step in after PC Ford intervened on behalf of the Hertfordshire Police force after they assumed the overcharged item was another criminal attempt on Banahan after the car-gate incident earlier in the season.

Back on the bench, but unfortunately only as a supporter was Lucy “Bob” Hoskin who continues to recover from her thumb correction surgery earlier in the week. It’s believed Hoskin will use the downtime to focus on her political movements, as the left winger was seen at a Corbyn rally earlier in the week (more to come on our election special next week). Hoskin was left with little to cheer for as her ginger counterpart Charlotte Skip was absent from the game after misreading a targeted ad for “2 4 1” sales on Black Friday in her inbox for the squad selection, and assumed the game was being played on the 24th of January. Also missing in action was Becky “Bench” Scarrott, who is believed to be shopping around for a new batch of pink weights after the Badger squad committed to another season of cross fit sessions in 2020.

Alas push back arrived, and while the Badgers dominated the first half of the game were unable to convert any short corner opportunities. However, Canterbury were unable to penetrate through The Wall that is Pip Evans who again and again denied the home team through to get a shot away. Evans’ controversial interview in the match programme the week before suddenly seemed like an understatement, as she rose to reclaim the title of best defender in the league once more, and deservedly took home Badger for the game.

The second half saw Broxbourne come under more pressure as the home side started to ramp up; however, a buy-one-card-get-the-next-free deal meant that by the end of the game both teams were struggling to keep 11 on the pitch. The final whistle blew with the score remaining 0-0 and the Badgers heading into a huge final league home game this weekend against local rivals Southgate.

The Badgers look forward to the return of Scarrott, Skip and newly appointed substitute director Sarah Gardner who was absent from the game due to the annual Momager get together to rehearse this years version of “Jingle Bell Rock” filming.