The 2nd's Overcome Smell of Manure to Avenge Defeat

Broxbourne 2s faced local rivals Cheshunt at mill lane on Saturday having lost narrowly away to Cheshunt on the 1st day of the season.

Having not played for a fortnight because of a frozen pitch the team made sure to warm up thoroughly jogging and then going through an exhaustive set of stretches led by Brownie next to the allotments. It was at this point the team started to notice a strange farmyard smell that followed them through the game and on to the evening’s festivities.

The game started with Broxbourne dominating procession, repeatedly channelling the ball across the back line and in and out of midfield. The team were following the advice of tactical genius and captain Satwick as well as ladies 1st team coach Sam who was making his second team debut having impressed in the 3s earlier in the season. Broxbourne could easily have been a couple of goals up and had been managing the threat of speedy breaks with ease due to the relentless running of Sully and Brown. However, all the hard work was undone when a careless ball across the D was straight to the Cheshunt centre forward it was probably the best pass, he had received all game. He put his best foot forward and calmly smashed the ball into the net. The Broxbourne defender responsible for the pass blamed a strong smell of sewage for putting him off.

The other moment of note was a seemingly innocuous challenge between Fresh and the centre forward that resulted in blood pouring from a head wound. With blood pouring down his face Fresh still had time to politely query which direction the decision was in before leaving the pitch for some medical attention.

Fortunately, this seemed to spur the seconds onwards with Coach Sam replacing A Law in midfield who was just back from two England U21 training weekends. Sustained pressure led to a first goal after some dazzling skills from Baller who squared the ball past the stranded keeper for a simple touch in from Sam (not the coach). The Cheshunt defence complained that they had been blinded by the sunlight reflecting off of ballers new white astros however they may have been an offence to fashion but not to the rules of hockey. A second goal followed with Baller again displaying foot work Michael Jackson in his pumps would have been proud of Sam (not the coach) thought he had scored only for veteran forward Kitch to use his considerable experience to steal the goal on the line.

At half time Captain Satwick showed his maturity to overrule some tactical changes suggested by Sam (Coach) while the team continued to moan about the strange smell of manure. This payed dividends as Broxbourne continued to dominate, winning a series of short corners. Baller and AJ shaved the outside of the post with flicks and Brown forced a good save from the Cheshunt keeper. Eventually after a return to the pitch from Fresh channelling his inner Ince / butcher (younger members please check YouTube) sporting enough bandage to resemblance a mummy, Broxbourne scored their third through brown. A fourth goal followed from Kitch and at 4 - 1 the team appeared to be coasting, in fact young Joe in goal was moaning he hadn’t touched the ball.

Hockey is a game of small margins and 5 minutes of mayhem ensued, firstly Kitch was beaten to a long ball by the oldest player on the park (yes there are players older than A Law still competing). This resulted in Cheshunt playing through the middle of Broxbourne. The Cheshunt centre forward continued putting his best foot forward and scored his second. Almost immediately after the push back AJ made one of his usual error being caught in two minds, dillydallying on the ball or throwing an aerial. The ball was squared, and the Cheshunt centre forward scored. Suddenly Joe has touched the ball three times even if to only pick the ball out of his net.

This sudden turn around spurred Broxbourne back into action and particular mention should be made of Ed House. He scored a great goal beating a defender before slamming the ball into the far corner with a strike Brownie would have been proud off. He also showed great movement tirelessly making runs to offer the defence and midfield easy passes, demonstrating how much he has learnt from Sam’s biweekly sessions. There was still time for Brown to score his second to give the 2’s a deserved 6 - 3 victory and allow them to head into their Xmas social in high spirits! At this point however the mystery smell of poop remained a mystery.

With an immediate 12:30 start to some people’s celebrations getting a sensible MOM or DOD vote proved to be beyond the team. However special mention should go to Captain Satwicks newfound love of malozades, Fresh’s beard decorations and Sam (the younger) demonstrating that it’s not only AJ who can get a bit out of hand while drinking. Beer is for drinking not throwing!

In the absence of MOM and DOD agreement the whole team could certainly agree on who won the “Most likely to have had a rodent climb up their rectum and die” award when the source of the mystery stench was identified as Sully’s ass! Let’s hope he has a full colonic irrigation before the season resumes on Jan 4th against Luton at mill lane.