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Weekend Round Up - 16th & 17th March 2024

Weekend Round Up - 16th & 17th March 2024

Victoria Boulton19 Mar - 21:22
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Mens 1s continue their winning ways to become Champions of Division 1 South

Saturday 16th March

Home Fixtures

Ladies 2s vs Bishop's Stortford 4 - 1-1 draw

Hi Barbie!

An early start for the baguettes this weekend facing Bishops Stortford at home. Cheerleader Barbie requested her side eager to go at 9:00am and was unsurprised to find only Disco Barbie, Safari Barbie and Equestrian Barbie on time. A few hours later… and after many failed scare attempts from Cowgirl Barbie, Ken graced us with his presence in the changing room and gave his first of many inspirational team talks.

Following a well drilled warm up, the baguettes started the first half strong and capitalised on the army of Barbie subs at Ken’s disposal. However, despite a great work rate from the squad, the game was still tied 0-0 at halftime. The baguettes started the second half strong but were unfortunate to lose Weird Barbie early on following some unforeseen levitating magic that left Weird Barbie’s face decorated for the foreseeable.

After settling back into the game, the baguettes began to build on their team play and were awarded a goal nicely finished by Original Barbie. The baguettes worked hard to keep Bishops Stortford at bay but lost out in a quick break leaving the score 1-1 at full time.

Player of the match went to Holiday Barbie for her consistency, solid defending and confidence on the ball. Donkey of the Day went to Cheerleader Barbie for being too good looking, kind and fair.

At the end of the game, the baguettes decided to carry out a team vote to decide their fate for the upcoming B H C end of season social. After many clever and truly inspiring ideas, the baguettes were sold on attending the social as an army of Barbies. The baguettes headed to our resident DJs’ humble abode for a live recording of the Barbie draw to determine the squads fate at next weeks social. The baguettes are looking forward to the upcoming Barbie reunion on Saturday!

Ladies 3s vs Bishop's Stortford 5 - 7-2 loss

After a significant defeat in the local derby the week before, the Ladies 3’s hoped to improve this week however unfortunately this was not to be the case!

Despite Lauren abstaining from alcohol for the whole weekend, it actually resulted in her performance not matching that compared to when she is intoxicated pre-match most weeks. With our 70 minute defender Tara also choosing to once again visit the salon, instead of being a part of the team, she was greatly missed in defence, although it is important to note that Lauren played the full 90 minutes and thoroughly enjoyed herself.

No choice was given to Sharon, who had to play, wherever she was needed and we were pleased to have at least one sub to provide some relief in the double header weekend.

Prior to the match, Captain Hannah made it abundantly clear that no one who had signed up for either match at the weekend had the choice to pull out. Her forceful nature over WhatsApp was adhered to by the team.

Now onto the match …

A tight first half meant the team made it to half time, 3-2 down, with the hope of finding an equaliser and keeping themselves in the game but with the second half, came a flurry of goals for the oppo leaving the final score 7-2. The less said about that the better.

Despite the result, the team felt that they had improved on their structure and teamwork, building play well to find two goals which did frustrate the opposition.

A welcomed return was also worth a mention for Lauren Fixter, who returned from her maternity leave to find two goals in style upon her return. Three Fixters on the pitch was a momentous occasion even if Hannah did tell her own mother to grow up and zip it!

Mens 2s vs Potters Bar 2 - 4-1 win

Icing on the cake; cherry next week please.

The badgers played the penultimate game of the season wanting to maintain the high standards that have been set and continue their strong performances as we close out the season. Pre match preparation was somewhat overshadowed by our ebullient gold medal duo who had clearly had a whale of a time the previous day and most of the morning. Joseph outperformed with his 11:10 call apologising for a tardy arrival to the 12:00 meet however this allowed him to begin the essential rehydration process in preparation for the match, against all societal norms and expectations this was attempted via medium of Baileys….extensive research by both Fresh and Joseph has confirmed that this is a terrible idea and should never be repeated by anyone who is about to run around for 70 minutes. If you are about to stand in goal swaying it could be a possible approach but is not recommended. Rascally behaviour done with and onto the game.

Potters Bar had talent and a good structure to their game letting Brox know that focus and effort would be required; another game where points had to be earned and there were no easy results that would be surrendered.

Personnel changes in midfield with the grizzled veteran Alexander Brown absent due to a skiing weekend saw Jack Price put in a great performance at the bottom of the diamond with his usual energy and enthusiasm on display for the cheering crowd. The official youth policy saw Mr.Cranfield esq. step into the top of the diamond and deliver a very strong performance with rumours abounding that a new lease of life had been found due to the presence of a talent scout for England vets being in the crowd. At this point rumours remain unconfirmed but Cranners put in a solid shift before heading off to his Chateaux for some well deserved RnR with Lady Cranners.

Sully and Lance took up their usual spots on left and right half with Sully terrorising the oppo both in and out of possession and Leathal Lance devastating the PB oppo with two power strikes during the game to score his finest brace of the season.

Up front the young man Baller and Mullet were challenged by an effective back line who knew what they were about. Baller took it upon himself to test the fortitude of the PB defender at every opportunity and found him equal to the task. This was a mammoth contest of hockey heavy weights and to be fair to them both points were equal at the end of the day with both contestants grudgingly acknowledging the quality of the other. Mullet gave his usual 100% at all times and was rewarded with some nice join up play and a few chances that just didn’t quite fall for him, however, there was a memorable reverse stick pass that should never be repeated again (Keep it simple came the cry)!

The back line avoided the risk of zoning out and played a major part in our controlling the game thru excellent transfers, pushing us up the pitch and all round patient, calculated and ruthless passing as they opened up the gaps in the oppo’s formation. The Rock of Rudd had his best game yet as he marauded down the flanks and on several occasions applied the baseline training that Panners has been drilling into us to good effect. Satwick’s sliders dazzled the crowd as he picked out the forwards time and again, we await the final game of the season to see the fabled aerial from Alex that we know must be coming. Keegan worked tirelessly up and down the left flank offering some excellent possession and smart pass and move combo’s with Sully; it would seem that the mantra of first elimination is a pass followed by a receive and carve up the oppo has been whispered all week long by this silent assassin.

Despite an inauspicious start to their respective day, our playboys avoided any bodily malfunction during the game and to be fair managed to give a good account of themselves. Doctors continue their detailed investigation into how this is physically possible with no firm conclusion at this point beyond that of a divine hand being at work here.

Finally a big thank you, well played and recognition to Bobby Dyer who having consistently demonstrated his dedication and improvement in training made his guest appearance for the two’s. Fair to say this was a tough game but clearly there is much to expect from this dynamic young forward in the years to come; watch this space!

Wallop. 4-1 winners, 19 wins from 21 and eyes on number 20 next week.

We would like to thank all of the individuals who give up their time to umpire for having made our games possible this season.

The boys wrapped up the game with a lovely group photo in front of a classy banner pronouncing themselves as Champions!

Scorers: Lance x 2, Baller x 1 (Stolen from Kav) and O’Sullivan x 1.

MoM: Lance
DoD: Joint winners are our Cheltenham Gold Medal Duo of Fresh and Joseph

Note to self: Next week mandate one of the team to do the match report.

Ladies 5s vs Rickmansworth 2 - 14-2 loss

WARNING – contains content that readers may find distressing

Coming in to today from a 4 win/ 1 draw streak we were on a high but knew is was going to be a tough match. With Rickmansworth being 2nd in the league with a whopping 71 goal difference and having been beaten by them at their ground 7-0 we were going to have to dig deep.

The game didn’t start as planned when an early call for a foot at the top of our D meant they scored within 4 minutes, following this up with another a minute later. When they put a 3rd away before 10 minutes were up we knew that we needed a change in tactic. Executing it was another matter though!

As you would expect from a team that are able to score a LOT of goals, their midfield were strong, skilful and dominant and their forwards have mastered the art of pinging the ball round the D and being in the right place at the right time.

Being 0-5 down after 16 minutes is not good for the soul – I can verify this! However, with a sideline of support and some clear encouragement to keep going, we kept our heads up and ploughed on. This paid off when we won another short corner which ended in Isla slotting the ball past the keeper – the elation on her face said it all!

We went in at half time 1-8 down. 3 clear points from our newly adopted coaching squad (Tors, Lauren and Rachel) and a reminder that we were actually playing some good hockey sent us back out on to the pitch. The second half saw us playing some good hockey – plenty of use of the width of the pitch, some good passing and some great runs. However, Rickmansworth dominated midfield – continuing to drive the ball at pace with skill and some solid passing. Did anyone notice number 19 – she was wearing white socks…? Just thought I’d mention her ?

But, still we fought! Some good interceptions and quick free hits kept us with some attacking chances, with Amber taking advantage of the space that Rickmansworth were leaving behind and a gazelle-like run from Milly up the left looked like we may have another chance but it wasn’t to be. 15 minutes in to the 2nd half Amy won us a great short corner after Daniela run the ball up the right. Milly injected it to the top where Amber was waiting. A lovely slip to Amy who sent it past the keeper – that made it 2-11.

However, defence were now really tiring and the onslaught continued resulting in another 2 goals making the score 2-13.

We’re thinking that maybe they need to introduce a ‘Mercy rule’…… Anyway, let’s not dwell…. We actually played some really good hockey and, on most other days we would have come away with a decent result. Good luck to Rickmansworth for the future – they clearly deserve to go up and were a lovely bunch of ladies.

Player was really tricky this week as everyone really put the miles in but, in the end, went to Amber and Katie.

Mens 4s vs Harpenden 4 - 2-1 win

Final home game of the season for M4, saw them take on a Harpenden team that had defeated them 4-1 earlier in the season, but now this young group are a very different team.
From the start they hassled and pushed the visitors backwards, Andy B forcing a keeper safe within the opening minutes. The home side was passing around the older opponents and Elliott Francis was enjoying himself down the left wing, firing over a couple of crosses that the home side couldn’t get on the end of.
After 10mins, a penalty corner to the home team, up stepped Noah Rollason to fire home from the top of the D, 1-0 up.
Some tactical changes then occurred as skipper Andy B left the field with the help of the opposition.
Harpenden got themselves back in the game, from what appeared a freak goal, as the home keeper Simon White was watching the planes flying overhead, rather the the ball looping over him into the goal, 1-1.
Broxbourne rallied and a great passing move led to ball to James DS who dribbled into the circle and fired home, 2-1.
Further chances were created by Kieron “feet” Purver and Tom Campney, but were not converted. HT 2-1

The 2nd half was end to end, but there were very rare chances for either side in front of goal, even with the experienced AJ up top.
The home defence, Harrison, Luke, Jason and Fin, were rarely in trouble, leaving Simon quite happy in goal.
Logan and Oakley, kept the side fresh with their rolling substitutions, as the 4s held on for a great win.

Away Fixtures

Ladies 4s vs St Albans 7 - 6-1 loss

In an exhilarating match Broxbourne Ladies 4 faced a tough battle against St Albans 7, ultimately falling 6-1 in a game filled with relentless action and commendable skill.

The game kicked off with an unexpected but delightful turn for Broxbourne, as Alice, showcasing incredible agility and precision, found the back of the net in the very first minute. Her goal set an electrifying tone for the match, instantly ramping up the intensity. With St Albans 1-0 down tempers started to raise leading with a player being warned and then minutes later being awarded a Yellow Card which resulted in them down to 10 players. The early lead, however, did not deter St Albans 7. They responded with a formidable display of teamwork and strategy, managing to equalize shortly after and progressively building their lead throughout the game.

Despite the challenging situation, Broxbourne Ladies 4 did not wane in their efforts. Central to their resilience was Lorraine, whose defensive prowess earned her the Player of the Match title.

As the game progressed, St Albans 7 capitalized on their opportunities, showcasing a balanced attack that saw them extend their lead. Their coordination and skillful execution were too much for Broxbourne, culminating in a 6-1 victory for St Albans.

Despite the scoreline, the match was a testament to the spirit of the game, highlighting not just the technical skills of the players but also the camaraderie and respect between the two teams. For Broxbourne Ladies 4, the game was a learning experience, underlining the importance of perseverance and teamwork in the face of adversity. Alice's goal within the first minute will be remembered as a highlight, and Lorraine's exceptional performance sets a high standard for defensive play.

In the aftermath, both teams acknowledged each other's efforts, with Broxbourne looking forward to applying the lessons learned in their future matches. The result, while not in their favor, has only fueled their determination to come back stronger, with the support of their four fans and the shared love for the game driving them forward.

Mens 1s vs Havering 1 - 7-1 win

We Are The Champions

Broxbourne mens first team made the trip to mid table Havering, knowing a win would be enough to mathematically claim the title. After an impressive result at home to Bedford the week prior, the badgers put themselves in poll position to make the league their own in this game. However, the team knew that it would be a difficult game and everyone would need to be at their very best to get the job done. The team arrived promptly to Havering, with top scorer and drag flick expert Matt Menear missing the turning to the pitch, doing laps around the roundabout and doing a U turn on someone’s gated front driveway. Coach Panners insists on doing ‘whatever you need to do’ to get into the right head space for the game, with Menear taking this to the next level. We’d later find out his pre match antics prevailed. The customary inspiring pre match team talk took place before Broxbourne started their warm up. In the warm up, Menear felt his back go and asked Panners to give him a massage. Panners explained to the centre back that his dodgy back is likely down to the 10 laps round the roundabout, pre match.

Warm up complete, walls punched and red bulls consumed, Brox were ready. The badgers came flying out the traps and ‘Fire Blanket’ Josh Chapman found himself making a late run in the D unmarked and almost directed a deflected cross into the top corner. His persistence to get himself into good attacking spaces was later rewarded as Toby’s miss hit reverse stick landed at the feet of Josh, who tapped home to put his side one up. His celebration consisted of pointing and blowing a kiss to the travelling Broxbourne ultras. Magic. The chances would continue to come with Brox winning numerous short corners. A well executed short corner saw Meanear find Sam on the back post and despite a good original save from the Havering keeper, Sam slotted in at the second time of asking, to double the badgers’ advantage. A third would quickly follow with Menear expertly flicking past the Havering keeper. Brox went into the break 3 to the good.

The team talk consisted of asking the boys to do much of the same and ensure everyone kept their heads in the second half. With this message received well by the team, brox continued to put their foot down and extend their lead. Menear made it four with another flick, this time straight down the middle of the goal, deceiving the keeper. A fifth would then quickly follow as dodgy back Matt again flicked in from another short corner.

With Ryan feeling left out and desperate to make himself front runner for dick of the day, Havering managed to get themselves on the scoresheet, with their left winger making a mockery of makeshift right back for the day, Stan and laughing as he drifted passed him. He then slipped the ball across the face of goal to the Havering forward, who slotted in from close range. With Havering’s chuckles short lived and their midfielder insisting the badgers ‘were rattled’, Menear added to his tally with a beautiful flick into the bottom left hand corner, putting the ‘rattled badgers’ 6-1 up. Reggie then finished the game off with a lovely strike from top of the D, slamming the ball into the goal and almost breaking the back board in the process. A subdued celebration from the forward and the icing on the cake of a professional and classy performance from the badgers. A slight medical scare towards the end of the game as captain Phil had signs of a nose bleed, putting himself on at centre forward, desperate to score his first goal of the season. The final whistle blew and jubilation would commence with Broxbourne securing the title. Champagne and Prosecco flying everywhere and joy on the faces of all the players and supporters. A well deserved title win and successful season. The team get to celebrate their league success next week in front of their home crowd to wrap up an amazing season. Below are the lyrics to we are the champions, in which the team sang long into the night. Enjoy.

I've paid my dues
Time after time
I've done my sentence
But committed no crime
And bad mistakes
I've made a few
I've had my share of sand
Kicked in my face
But I've come through
And we mean to go on and on and on and on
We are the champions, my friends
And we'll keep on fighting till the end
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions of the World
I've taken my bows
And my curtain calls
You brought me fame and fortune
And everything that goes with it
I thank you all
But it's been no bed of roses
No pleasure cruise
I consider it a challenge before
The human race
And I ain't gonna lose
And we mean to go on and on and on and on
We are the champions, my friends
And we'll keep on fighting till the end
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions of the World
We are the champions, my friends
And we'll keep on fighting till the end
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions of the World

Mens 3s vs Potters Bar 3 - 6-0 loss

Match report pending.

Ladies 1s vs Harleston Magpies 2 - 3-0 loss

The badgers were back this week on a road trip to Norfolk (widely known for being home to an unusually large number of tractors). Ruling out the concerns, Alice Brown reported (after her trip to “sainos”) that she did in fact have a full tank of petrol in her successful attempt at avoiding any breakdowns in the middle of nowhere again.

The badgers arrived in Harleston and after walking through the magpies’ changing room, what seemed to be about 6 times each, established that perhaps “sainos” was NOT a known abbreviation and that the post-game showers WOULD cause everyone to get foot diseases. Broxbourne finally took to the pitch to warm up, unsurprisingly winning the unstated competition of which team could blast their music the loudest. Gemma Wilkinson was not satisfied with the ungratefulness she claimed to receive after generously buying team manager, Lucy Hoskin, some donuts from the luxurious service station the passengers of Alice Brown’s car visited (making them late for the meet time).

The badgers kick started the match, luckily this week with no one missing any kit and/ or equipment such as gum shields. Megan Saywell was extremely dissatisfied due to being sprayed by pesticides by a tractor (absolute shocker) whilst playing.

The game of course continued, regardless of Miss Saywell’s disgust, consisting of solid tackles from mathematics genius Lisa Banahan (who is also apparently the Spice Girls’ accountant), lovely distributions to the midfielders and forwards from Claire Cat, and an absolutely beautiful arial performed by the ginger legend herself, Charlotte Skipp. Broxbourne delivered some slick hockey, including clever ‘triangles’ down the right from Laura Wills and Tor Stacey, silky skills from Kay Tart and Florence Pidduck, as well as some lovely saves from GK Kim Hellery (who will definitely not be getting hired by the Badgers’ media association after finding pictures of Cambridge uni celebrating months ago and telling the rest of the team they were from today). The midfield line definitely missed hockey queen Em Wilkins who we were still lucky enough to have graced us with her presence. The forwards yet again delivered with their relentless pressure and determination, including almost goals from Nads Wheadon and Captain Ellie Welsh (who in fact did not have her dog peeing on anyone’s belongings this week).

Unfortunately the badgers could not bring home a win. Even after the dramatics from Tor Stacey as reported by Lisa Banahan: “…losing her stick then waving her arms in the air then the ball going through her legs then picking up her stick then playing the ball then falling over…”

Player of the match was well earned by Lisa Banahan for her solid tackles and working so hard to the point of running off the pitch hyperventilating.

Donkey was unfairly given to Lara Luka for the unarguably stupid reasons being that she didn’t know what “sainos” was, thought you couldn’t pay by card outside of london (lies), and thought the only way to commute in Norfolk was to drive a tractor. It is evident that these FALSE accusations were from Gemma and Em.

Next week the badgers take on Cambridge city at home.

Sunday 17th March

Home Fixtures

Ladies 3s vs Harpenden 2 - 2-1 loss

Late goal dents Badger’s hopes.

Sunday with tired legs yet positive vibes the Ladies 3s took on Harpenden.

In a closely fought game, the opposition took an early lead, however, an equaliser was found through Laura.

Despite a well-drilled defence, the final moments of the game were heartbreaking when the ball crept past the Brox keeper to make it 2-1.

Moments to share include Brawny hitting everything but the backboard, Fixy getting a poorly toe, Ella running the oppo into the fence and jogging away nonchalantly, Lauren’s sideline ball off the pitch plus her rather aggressive threat of ‘Push me again…WATCH!?!’

With no opposition for teas, the team enjoyed Moams, galaxy cake bars, and the French fancies along with their beverages. At times, the team also appeared to scare Finch with their tales and general conduct!

Donkey was Lauren for being adamant that Hockey match was 90 minutes plus her aggression.

Player went to Millie for great work rate the whole game!

Coming up next weekend…

Saturday 23rd March

Home Fixtures
10am - Mens 3s vs Harpenden 3
11.30am - Ladies 4s vs Bishop's Stortford 7
1pm - Mens 1s vs Bury St Edmunds 1
2.30pm - Ladies 1s vs Cambridge City 3

Away Fixtures
10.30am - Ladies 2s vs St Albans 4
10.30am - Ladies 3s vs Chiltern 1
11.30am - Mens 2s vs Blueharts 3
4pm - Ladies 5s vs St Albans 8
4.30pm - Mens 4s vs Saffron Walden 7

Join us from 7pm for our BHC Social to celebrate the end of the season! Dress up as something beginning with B, H or C.

Sunday 24th March

Away Fixtures
4pm - Ladies 1s vs Cambridge University 1

Further reading