The ladies 5s had the pleasure of battling Bishop Stortford on our own stomping grounds. With captain Hannah G getting into the swing of things being on time for 2 weeks in a row! The team were riled up and motivated to put their skills into action with Sarah Lloyd joining the team right on time for pushback.

The team started off strong with Tess the human pinball machine running circles around the opposition and securing our first goal in the first 20 minutes, assisted by our own Vice Milly S. Unfortunately Bishop Stortford had scored multiple goals before this point. Pinball Tess was aided by Sarah L and Olivia S in midfield, Sarah L taking a leaf out of the training book and using unmanned pitch space to drive the ball into the desired D on multiple occasions!

The girls up top had trouble getting the ball past the mass of opposing players guarding the precious goal, but in the second half former top goal scorer Milly S, with an assist from Tess, made some fantasy league teams very happy by securing our second goal.

It was a tough game for defence with goalie Hannah G playing footsie with one player for what seemed like eternity but eventually cleared the ball to give Brox another chance to run it up the pitch. An honourable mention goes to Teagan for having a mean hit that often cleared all the way up to forwards Shannon and Sharon. Defenders Annie, Fran, Lorraine and Jazmyne gave the opposition a run for their money but unfortunately multiple short corners were awarded, fortunately not 4 consecutive shorts like a previous game against St Albans.

Donkey and player were awarded to Pinball Tess for her amazing game play and her eagerness to defend the shorts, so much so that she left the goal line before the opposition had a chance to release the ball.

Ladies 2s vs Letchworth 1 - 3-3 draw
Goal scorers: Emily R, Cat & Sarah G
Assists: Vic, Emily R & Darcy
Player: Emily R
Donkey: Vic

*The Traitors episode 5: Unmasked on the Astro*

It was a dark and stormy night when the Ladies 2s assembled for another round of hockey and unmasking.

Grace C was ruled out before the first whistle – a Paloma Faith-style early exit, over before it even began. Grace R, however, met a more sinister fate, brutally murdered in the night by none other than Emily “Traitor” Boxall. Donning her cloak on the side line, Meg RW kept the faithfuls in line with time checks ahead of the round table.

But fear not – reinforcements had arrived. Enter Meg T, drafted in with the sporting prowess of Joe Marler and a cunning contestant eyeing Claudia’s golden coins.

With hopes high for their first traitor capture of the season, Vic made the bold managerial decision to sub herself into her own fantasy team and even captain herself – classic Jon-oulton Ross-level cockiness.

1-0 down before they could say “Faithfuls unite” but redemption came swiftly. From a short corner, a meow-gnificentgoal slinked in under the radar, a feline-smooth finish worthy of a Cat Burns among the traitors.

Half time saw Cl-Az Winkleman sweep in, fringe immaculate, to host the round table of truth. The team watched as he delivered a sermon of stern tactical wisdom.

2-1 down shortly after the whistle but just like Clare Balding on a live BBC broadcast, Emily leapt into action, deflecting home from a short corner for 2-2.

Then Sara-lan Carr struck. Just back on the pitch after dabbing her brow (sweats of suspicion or just too much cardio?), she slotted home for 3-2. Faithfuls rejoiced… briefly. The traitors struck again – 3-3.

Still, a draw never felt so dramatic. The Ladies 2s had finally unmasked their first traitor of the season.

Gemma Fry masterminded the operation with her trusty sidekick Darcy Olusoga, who was spotted whispering strategies in hushed tones like a true Faithful in the turret.

Sue Thomas-Mohammed dismantled attackers with the precision of someone onto the traitors’ trail. Meanwhile, content creator Jesniko Omilana was out on the grid and the pitch, capturing the scandal for socials.

Hannah Garraway? Just there for the good vibes and to celebrate the fact she’d avoided another dodgy traitors style haircut this week.

Goalie Kim channelled her inner Ruth Codd, heroically throwing herself to Hitchin after the game – only to be brutally murdered in the line of duty.

Baz executed a Tom Daley-worthy dive, securing 50% of the donkey votes. The other 50% went to Jon-oulton Ross, who’d prematurely mourned the “loss”. In a nail-biting moo-off finale, Jon-oulton Ross sealed her fate – the second traitor caught.

Isobel narrowly missed a hat-trick of donkey awards, wailing like Celia Imrie when grilled about her mysterious fines master behaviour.

Player of the match was awarded to Clare Balding – for her graceful on-pitch prancing and excellent goal, and off-pitch baking brilliance.

Scheming at the club continued into the night with everyone’s best Charlotte Church impressions that had even Claudia Winkleman clutching her pearls.

Next week: Old Loughtonians await. But the bigger question is... will any more traitors be revealed before the starting whistle?

Ladies 1s vs Ipswich 1 - 0-0 draw
Player: Lily
Donkey: Lily
Cards: Em (green)

The Pre-Party Set - AKA “Tor’s Hockey Hen-do Festival”

*The Warm Up Set*
The Broxbourne Badgers arrived at the Badgerden absolutely buzzing for the big day — glitter, feathers, and festival spirits at the ready. But before the prosecco could pop, there was the small matter of a hockey match to get through. The 1:30pm slot was prime time for the opening act of Tor Stacey’s Henstock Festival – a day where hockey met hen do, and the crowd (mostly parents) had no idea what was coming.

Coach Az kicked off the show with his signature blend of inspiration and chaos — a whiteboard pep talk swiftly followed by an impromptu dance number that can only be described as Coachella meets “Dad at a wedding”. The team linked arms in a pre-match boogie that was equal parts motivational and mildly concerning. Sadly, this dance routine didn’t make it to the karaoke afterparty — though many feel it should have.

*Set One: Defence Stage*
Ipswich came out hard and fast (unlike the hangover recovery rate of this team), but our defensive lineup of Tor Stacey, Charlotte Skipp, Hallie Copping-Jones, and Martha Ker were absolute headliners. Calm, cool, and coordinated — they repelled attack after attack like bouncers at the VIP tent.

Behind them, Lily Hawthorne put on the performance of her life. Her champagne moment — a spectacular double save with an unexpected dive that even she didn’t see coming — left Ipswich stunned and celebrating prematurely. She may have been aiming for Glastonbury 2026, but she’s already got the choreography nailed.

Big love to Tor Stacey, who stepped out of her usual role and into centre-back couture, covering for the ever-wise Becky Scarrott. Even injured, Scarrott joined Kay Tart who both became the team’s off-field DJs — shouting tactical bangers and remixing advice from the sideline. Hurry up and get back, Bench and Finch — the team misses your beats.

*Set Two: Midfield Mayhem*
Ellie Welsh, Nads Wheadon, Meg Saywell, Charlotte HG, and Em Wilkins were pure fire — running the midfield like a glitter cannon on full blast. The short corners came thick and fast, but the Ipswich keeper decided to play spoiler, saving everything we threw at her. Still, with Saywell and Wilkins launching rockets into the D, Ipswich’s defence were one wobble away from collapsing like a cheap pop-up tent in a gale.

*Set Three: The Headliners*
Lydia House, Lara Luka, and Laura Wills were absolutely everywhere — covering the pitch like a festival map at 11pm. Their passing was slicker than glitter glue, and their transfers across the back were so smooth they should’ve been sponsored by Silent Disco headphones.

Special mention to Wills, who treated the crowd to a solo set of pure magic — carrying the ball the length of the pitch, dodging more players than a bridesmaid dodges karaoke, and just missing the goal by a whisker. The crowd gasped, the heavens opened, and the unicorns wept.

*Set Four: Cards, Collisions and Chaos*
The first quarter saw Wilkins and an Ipswich player both nab a green card — the festival equivalent of being sent to the naughty step for over-enthusiastic dancing. Ipswich then racked up a yellow and another green later on, proving their commitment to the theme: “Too Much, Too Soon.”

Late in the game, Dr. Wills made a heroic turn — this time swapping hockey stick for first aid kit after a Broxbourne stick accidentally met an Ipswich jaw. With her calm doctor skills, she handled it all like the professional she is. Speedy recovery wishes were sent, and the game resumed with just four minutes to go.

The Badgers held strong, but just as Welsh was winding up for what could have been the game-winning encore… the final whistle blew. A 0–0 draw. Clean sheet, full hearts, no regrets.

*The Afterparty (Main Stage)*
With the hockey over, the Badgers sprinted to the changing rooms to transform from sweaty athletes to festival queens. Poor Coach Az was left babysitting three pizzas and a room full of empty chairs as the glam squad worked its magic. When they finally emerged, it was pure Henstock Headliner Energy: sequins, flower crowns, glitter galore.

*Awards Tent*
* Player of the Match: Lily Hawthorne – for those superstar saves and keeping the sheet as clean as a freshly packed festival tent (pre-mud).
* Donkey of the Day: also Hawthorne – for her dramatic pre-game trip that was meant to be low-key but was, unfortunately, witnessed by Dr. Wills’ all-seeing eyes.

Next week, the Badgers hit the road to Chelmsford for another set at 2:30pm, featuring the triumphant return of Spacebun Squashie after a one-week hiatus.
So tune your sticks, pack your glitter, and get ready to dance again — because the Badger Festival Tour rolls on!

Mens 3s vs Letchworth 2 - 4-2 win
Goal scorers: KP x3, Wyatt
Assists: Scott, Baller, Satwick & Russ
Player: KP
Donkey: Rudd
Cards: Hugh (green)

M3s take big points against a strong Letchworth side

The M3s returned to action with another home game at the weekend with the ever reliable 3pm push back.

This week saw the team put out one of their strongest line ups so far. The return of familiar 3s faces, Scotty, Hugh, AJ, and Sam, with helping sticks from the inseparable pair of Satwick and Baller, was a fresh air to the attack and defence.

The game started strongly for both sides with play going back and forth. With 5 minutes gone Russ stepped up after winning a free hit outside the Letchworth 23, found a free man in KP, who trapped the ball, beat his man and calmly slotted home under the on rushing keeper.

After a further 10 tense minutes, ever present "half a game," Ruddy decided to clatter his man from behind. Clearly forgetting, not just his shinpads, but also that we were not in a wrestling match, awarded Letchworth their first of many short corners of day.

Their first attempt found the bare shinned Ruddy, who was bravely running one. He was then sent limping back to guard the right post for the 2nd Letchworth short.

Their 2nd was more direct, finding the bottom of said right post to level the game. Chances then came flooding through for Brox, KP making it 2-1 at the break after Wyatt's run along the byline cut the ball back for a Scotty shot that hit the keeper but fell to KP with acres of space.

After a quick but productive message at the halftime team talk from player/manager Hayden, the boys came out fighting from the get-go. An out of position James fitting in at right back for the 2nd half and doing a commendable job.

With the crowds growing, Satwick made a darting run forward, slowed just before the D, and fired in a disguised slap. The ball bounced around a few sticks, and feet, and whilst still travelling at some pace came to Wyatt, in front of the keeper, to deflect the ball in. 3-1 Brox.

Brox now started to control the game, and 10 minutes later, AJ slung the ball into open space for the attackers to do what they should and allowed the ball to drop. Baller picked the ball up nicely on the bounce, rounded the keeper to the byline, beat two defenders, and pulled the ball back for KP to slap in his third of the day, making it 4-1 to Brox.

Defenders looked bewildered as to how well Baller had made the ball stick like glue to the end of his stick.

Brox's first and only short of the game came shortly afterwards. KP, looking for his 4th goal of the game with a fierce drag flick, almost taking the defenders head off, but narrowly missing said head and post.

Hugh, who had been nicely mopping up most things in the middle of the park, unbeknown to everyone, wanted a 2 minute breather and went a bit rogue after conceding a free hit. Deciding to hit the ball away and receive a green card for his moment of madness.

With 3 minutes to go, Letchworth somehow managed to break a composed defensive line and make space for the simplest of tap ins.

4-2 the final score.

Man of the match to KP and the man of steel shins, our wrestling prodigy "Rowdy Ruddy Piper" picking up the donkey vote.

Next week, we will see a 3rd straight home game for the M3s, this time against Rickmansworth at the slightly later time of 4 pm.

Mens 2s vs St Albans 3 - 4-1 loss
Goal scorer: Elliot F
Assist: Jack
Player: Elliot F
Donkey: Jake

Another tough day at the office…

I can’t tell if we was all thrown off by the fact that baller had arrived 15 minutes early to the 3s game before hand but is still yet to make it to the changing room on time for us or the fact that we was still practicing short corners whilst the opposition was lined up ready to push back but it’s safe to say we didn’t have the strongest of starts, which seems to be a common theme at the moment.

Conceding 2 goals in the first 6 minutes ,one of which being 50 seconds after the first whistle, did not set us up brilliantly for the game ahead, but that being said after 15 minutes of sloppy passes silly errors and conceding 4 goals we pulled it together and started playing some good hockey, the passes started to connect and we was moving further up the pitch, super dan Henry making steaming runs down the line and repeatedly nutmegging their forward really gave the boys the boost we needed to push on although he did get some grief off the sideline about his bra size, with the pressure being applied we created some lovely chances one of which fell to Jake after a lovely ball from Ed but this was short lived as Jake managed to very gently pass it back to their keeper for him to kick out the D completely, but another chance came shortly after and a brilliant deflection from elliot was saved by the keeper but the ball landed straight back at his feet for him to slot into the back of the net, cool, calm, collected.

I can’t really remember what happened in the second half but we stayed strong and only conceded 1 goal, the score line definitely didn’t reflect how we played, we deserved more.

Well done to Elliot for getting MOTM
And DOD went to Jake for missing yet another chance at goal, and for copying my outfit last night, weird.

Special mention to Bobby he’s just the best.

Away Fixtures

Ladies 4s vs West Herts 4 - 1-1 draw
Goal scorer: Jo A
Assist: Rachael
Player: Rachael
Donkey: Aaliyah

What a game, girls! We played some absolutely brilliant hockey full of energy, teamwork, and loads of laughs along the way.

With Capt Lisa applying a last minute sicknote, Sarah BA was called up to restore the 4s to 12 players for the game. Jo was drafted stand in Capt for the day with a long to do list to tick off before the warm up.... Everything was going smooth... with the list untillllll.....

Moments before the match was about to start, Ella managed to take out Sarah G in a classic warm-up moment. Ice packs at the ready Sarah G was instructed to lay down due to sheer shock and pain.

The first half began with the 4s now only having 11 players and Callia being sacrificed from the forward line to cover Sarah G at the back. We had many short-corner chances, keeping their defence under pressure right from the start, although some how nothing was working and the final conversion was nowhere in sight. Everyone was working hard as a team, none more than Callia and Jane who were playing new positions for the first time this season. West Herts did manage to get a chance at goal and Alisha pulled off an unbelievable save from a goal-bound shot absolute hero moment!

The first half ended 0-0 and Broxbourne were very happy for the rest and regroup.
Sarah G decided 35mins was enough time rest and wanted to play in the second half. Yeaaaa, we are now back to 12!

Our goal came 15 minutes into the second half from Jo, after a brilliant assist from Rachel, who made some unreal runs up the wing all game. We completely dominated play and created so many chances - the scoreline definitely didn’t show how well we played.

In midfield, Aaliyah, Rachel, and Ella kept the pressure on, with Ella firing off slick slip-shots from our short corners and at one point even managing a one-two pass with the umpire (great awareness, just maybe not the teammate we wanted!).

West Herts managed to capitalise a moment of lapse in concentration with a goal at the back post bringing the score to 1-1.

Massive shoutout to Frankie for the sideline support, you kept the energy high.

Even with a few chaotic moments, we were the better team by far. 1–1 doesn’t tell the full story. Such a strong, fun, and determined performance from everyone! We all came off so disappointed and frustrated with a draw.

And finally… a big shout-out to Aaliyah, who wrote this match report as punishment for getting Donkey and yet asking the other car passengers who got Donkey today??

Mens 5s vs Potters Bar 3 - cancelled
No match report.

Mens 1s vs Blueharts 1 - 6-4 loss
Goal scorers: Sam W x2, Tom DS & Stan
Assists: Stan, Sam G, Josh & Hal
Player: Tom DS
Donkey: Henry DS

Match report pending.

Ladies 3s vs Blueharts 3 - 4-0 loss
Player: Cerys
Donkey: Kim

The one where hockey was the least chaotic part of the day

After a few great wins in a row, Broxbourne Ladies 3XI turned up (eventually) knowing this one was going to be a bit of a challenge — and oh boy, it didn’t disappoint.

The later start (which we all know never does us any favours) set the tone for what became an afternoon of pure chaos.

Things started to unravel before we’d even got our sticks out. A late dropout meant we were already down to 12 players, and then Emma phoned to say she was stuck on the A1(M) behind a crash — not moving, not happy. Cue mild panic and a very frantic phone call to Kim, who absolutely saved the day by answering the Broxbourne bat signal and jumping in to help. Massive shoutout to Finch too, who somehow kept her cool and liaised with the league to make sure the match could still go ahead.

Just when we thought things were settling down, the warm-up was halted when a Blueharts player went down with a knee injury. Not the best start. Once the game finally kicked off, it lasted all of 20 minutes before play stopped again — another Blueharts player went down awkwardly in a tackle with what looked like a nasty ACL injury. Both teams rushed over to help, and to Tara’s disbelief (and everyone else’s gratitude), the previously “unnecessary” dry robes suddenly came into their own. The Broxbourne crew turned into a mobile first-aid team, wrapping the poor player up to keep her warm until help arrived.

As if that wasn’t enough weirdness, we soon realised we were up against Cat’s sister — who, rather confusingly, is also called Cat. To make matters even more bizarre, she’s clearly inherited the family trademark disguised hit, which caused a few double-takes and some questionable marking decisions!

With the pre-game drama and delays, it was never going to be a smooth one, but Broxbourne battled hard. Kim took one for the team and played in goal for the first half (legend), before Emma finally escaped the A1(M) and jumped in for the second. The defence worked tirelessly, but constant pressure from Blueharts eventually told and a few goals slipped through. Still, the team stayed positive and kept working right until the final whistle.

And just when we thought the day couldn’t throw any more surprises our way… it did. In the post-match chaos, Kim realised she’d locked her keys in the car. Cue the entire kit bag being emptied in the car park, helmet and all, followed by a sprint back to the pitch just in case. Because why wouldn’t the day end like that?

So no, it wasn’t our neatest or easiest game, but it was definitely one to remember. Between traffic jams, injuries, double Cats, and car key drama, Broxbourne Ladies 3XI once again proved they can handle literally anything — preferably not all at once next time though.

Player of the match went to Cerys for her excellent work in defence.

Donkey went to Kim, despite her coming to save the day.

Mens 4s vs Saffron Walden 7 - 6-3 win
Goal scorers: Stapes x4, Trev x2
Assists: Phil x4, Harrison & Trev
Player: Trev
Donkey: Rich

Men’s 4’s travelled to Saffron Walden determined to make amends for last weekend disappointing result.

A late 5pm push back was delayed further due to the previous game starting late.

The team wasn’t sure whether to wear kit / shin pads and Astro’s or pyjamas and slippers as it was getting so late.

The team bolstered again by some of the 5’s youngsters, Ollie W and Samual along with nearly as young Ian M. Phil Whittington joined the squad, and Paul staples, losing the pads to give some additional experience in midfield. Unfortunately lost Andy H before push back, due to a calf issue.

Pre match team talk by Trev gave the team a clear of how we attack this game.

Brox got off to a positive start, plenty of chat and good passing of the ball. Harrison M cut inside the D to set up Stapes to convert his 1st goal of the game. Plenty of opportunities followed, but we just could not capitalise.

An unfortunate short corner conceded but the home team were able to pull one back.

3 mins before half time, Oakley unfortunately turned awkwardly during a 50/50 and had to be carried off by the hunks that are Paul Stapes and Rich Mellor.

3 mins to play until half time and Brox held on to allow a reshuffle.

10mins into the 2nd half and Stapes in the right place again converted to put Brox back in front - assist this time from Phil. Next on the score sheet was Trev Mellor with another assist from Phil. Broxbourne could relax slightly.

Trev then became the provider for Stapes to convert in the D for his Hatrick. Saffron Walden then nicked one, after Brox switched off.

Some great play from the supporting players, Ollie, Samual and Ian - getting stuck in and providing the front 3 with plenty of chances. Lesson learnt and Trev fancied another and did exact that with another smart assist from Phil W making it 5-2.

Thinking this game was done, Brox again took their foot off the pedal and relaxed a bit too much, allowing the home team to get another back. One last push and Stapes decided that 3 goals wasn’t enough - fired in his 4th and Broxbourne’s 6th.

Final whistle and 3 well earned points. And some high scoring fantasy teams as a result!

Leaving the pitch and walking back to the cars, someone thankfully remembered Oakley, who had spent the 2nd half in the club house with his leg up ( maybe having a cheeky pint ).

A massive well done to everyone involved. Thanks to Fresh for helping out with Subbing and Andy H for his cheerleading.

Karaoke social
The karaoke social proved popular once again with members of all ages and teams across the club in attendance. Well done to anyone who stepped up to the mic for making it another memorable social.

Next club social is wacky shirts on Saturday 15th November.

Coming up next weekend

Saturday 25th October

Home Fixtures
10am - Mens 4s vs Letchworth 5
11.30am - Ladies 4s vs Bedford 6
1pm - Ladies 2s vs Old Loughtonians 2
2.30pm - Ladies 3s vs Hertford 2
4pm - Mens 3s vs Rickmansworth 1

Away Fixtures
12.30pm - Ladies 5s vs Berkhamsted & Hemel 4
1pm - Mens 2s vs Welwyn Garden City 1
2.30pm - Ladies 1s vs Chelmsford 1
4pm - Mens 5s vs Hertford 7 Dev
4.30pm - Mens 1s vs Harleston Magpies 1