With Captain Daniela unable to play new recruit Kath Edwards took on the CF position and made it her own. However after the 1st 2 minutes she was called up for 2 stick tackles, that’s what happens when you haven't played for 12 years.

After a bright start the 5’s had definitely forgotten last week's defeat and were passing and moving ball a lot better, making some great runs up the lines but struggling to find the goal. Hannah made some great saves to keep the score 0-0 at half time.

After Em’s halftime team talk and the importance of passing and moving the ball quickly, that is exactly what happen in the start of the 2nd half. Working out of defence a great pass from Caitlyn to Tess who found Shannon on the right wing, we had a fantastic run up the line, who found Milly on the 23m who passed to Kath on the right post and with a fantastic strike found the goal 1-0 Broxbourne! Great celebrations ensued but in true 5’s fashion we couldn’t hold the lead for long and within 2 minutes Potters Bar on the attack found the goal. And within the next 10 minutes they scored another 2 goals to make it a 1-3 win.

Next week we play Letchworth away at 10.30am if we can get a team!

Ladies 4s vs Hertford 4 - 6-3 loss
Goal scorer: Jo x3
Assists: Meg H, Annie & Katie H
Player: Jo
Donkey: Kirsty

The ladies 4s arrived at the badger den in high spirits and mostly on time.

In the changing rooms, Meg unveiled her brand new astros but more importantly, she was wearing a skort. As every ladies 4s player knows, Meg in a skort is the universal sign for she means business. Meanwhile, Lisa attempted a serious pre match team talk, but unfortunately was competing with Talyssa’s extremely cute baby, who rightfully won the attention war.

The team were short on players this week, with a couple missing due to work commitments and someone being on a river cruise. A river cruise. During hockey season. Seriously. This was bad news for Kirsty who had earlier in the week politely requested a “light run around” due to having a half marathon the next day, and for Talyssa, who had 10-month-old baby in tow. She brilliantly spent the warmup getting said baby to sleep. Talyssa 1. Baby 0.

Out on the pitch, Broxbourne came out flying. An early team goal - proper passing and everything - saw the ball played around the pitch, driven into the D, and finished with a pass from Meg to Jo (aka Legacy 1) who slotted it home like the actual legend that she is.

Hertford, however, being irritatingly youthful and energetic, equalised almost immediately.

But Brox weren’t done. Continuing to work as a team and passing the ball around, eventually secured another beautiful team goal: Sarah → Kirsty → Katie → Jo → GOAL. 2–1 Broxbourne. Yipee.

But Hertford equalised again. And then they scored again. With a few Brox players having to play out of position due to low numbers (did I mention the river cruise?) we collectively forget who was doing what and the vibes around the back and mid became a little…. spicy.

Thankfully, the half time whistle blew, and captain Lisa and coach Em delivered an encouraging halftime talk and the team re emerged ready to fight.

Hertford also came out strong, creating chances early, but Talyssa and keeper Alisha-you-can-call-me-Perks pulled off some heroic saves and defensive work to keep the ball out the goal.

A few minutes into the second half, the Hertford side was awarded a long corner. Which Kirsty, who had not quite fully processed the change of ends, dutifully lined up to take for them. Donkey secured.

From this point on, the match became a blur of attempts on goal. Hertford scored two more. Broxbourne also had a couple of opportunities but were denied. Eventually we did get one back - another from Jo to complete the hat-trick, assisted by Annie. But Hertford’s young legs kept going and they added yet another. 6-3.

The final score didn’t reflect how we played, we held possession for a lot of the game, channelled attackers out wide, and worked hard. But at times we made things difficult for ourselves, and Hertford’s youngsters seemed to have infinite stamina.

The whole team played well. Alisha made some cracking saves, keeping us in the game. Rachael, as usual, making some unstoppable runs down the right, repeatedly driving the ball into the D. She’s a bit good at that. Sarah, the queen of versatility, being an absolute workhorse in the centre. Talyssa, Jen and Lisa provided a defensive wall of calm competence. Jaz was full of resilience and determination. We saw nonstop running up and down the pitch from Kirsty, supporting in defence and attack. Legs well and truly not rested for the half marathon. Brilliant attacking runs from Katie, Meg and Annie, creating chances and keeping Hertford on their toes. And of course, Jo, our hat-trick hero.

Donkey: Kirsty. Obvs. Almost unanimously. For volunteering to take Hertford’s long corner. Ella also received two votes for her river cruise.

Player: A hotly contested battle requiring finger counting. Ultimately, Jo secured the crown. Literally. Votes also went to Kirsty, Alisha,Sarah, Katie and Rachael.

BONUS CONTENT: River Cruise Review
Apparently great. Toilets average.

Ladies 1s vs Harleston Magpies 2 - 8-0 win
Goal scorers: Vic x2, Nads x2, Becky x2, Emily & Jess
Assists: Jess x2, Cate, Becky, Skipp, Lara, Nads & KP Nuts
Player: Vic
Donkey: KP Nuts

THE ONE WHERE BROX FINALLY CRACKED HARLESTON

Saturday started with the usual level of Brox confidence ahead of Harleston: outwardly positive, internally slightly concerned, and absolutely nobody volunteering to bring up our previous record against them. Squad availability had also been a bit of a puzzle all week, with Darcy unavailable for reasons we can only assume involved some sort of urgent international nut procurement. Rumour has it she had been dispatched to Italy to source a sufficiently premium hazelnut for Vic’s weekly banana bread, after standard supermarket produce was deemed no longer aligned with the brand. A huge commitment to the loaf, if not necessarily to the team.

The changing room was already in excellent form before pushback. Lydia took control of the music and immediately put on Broken Strings continuing her very public recovery from the breakdown of her alleged relationship with an unnamed Gen-Z pop star. Nobody has seen this man, nobody knows whether he knows they were together, but Lydia remains committed to the narrative and James Morrison remains heavily involved in the healing process.

Ellie then gave everyone the latest update from her own eventful week, involving one cookie, one nut, one allergic reaction and one ambulance. As If listened carefully, considered the seriousness of the situation, and responded by nicknaming her KP. Ellie’s main issue was not the lack of sympathy, but the branding. KP was simply too service station. If anaphylaxis was going to become part of her identity, she wanted something more premium. Nutella — Tella for short — immediately had more appeal: Italian, glossy, recognisable packaging. Wheezie was also floated as something a little softer and more feminine, while Ferrero briefly entered the conversation before everyone agreed that made Ellie sound less like a hockey player and more like a wealthy widow who summers on Lake Como.

Before the rebrand could be finalised, Spike quietly announced that she had in fact said yes to gorgeous George, instantly stealing what little attention Ellie had left. George had hired a yacht, decorated it beautifully and apparently executed the whole proposal with suspiciously high levels of Pinterest competence. The team were thrilled for her, although there was some collective disappointment when it was confirmed that he had kept his shirt on. A beautiful moment, nonetheless.

Breakfast aesthetics also made their weekly return, despite nobody remembering exactly when this became a formal competition. Vic, having created the competition, entered the competition and somehow won the competition last week, continued to judge everyone’s efforts with the authority of Paul Hollywood. Spike then casually unveiled what turned out to be her proposal breakfast, which frankly felt unfairly well-funded, while Al attempted to enter before realising she had already eaten hers. Her submission was therefore a photo of an empty plate, proving once and for all that Snickers were right: you’re not you when you’re hungry, and apparently you also forget the basic rules of a photography-based competition.

Daphne had at least made sure everyone knew exactly what weather to expect, sending enough forecasts and “GO BADGERS GO” messages throughout the morning to qualify for a small presenting role on BBC Weather. Conditions were sunny, dry and perfect for hockey, with no rain, no storms and thankfully no significant pistachio activity over Hertfordshire. Vic and Ellie also arrived with fresh manicures. Ellie’s was so neutral it looked like it had been prepared in a sterile nut-free environment with a full allergen declaration attached, while Vic’s looked suspiciously engagement-ready for someone who happened to have a date later that evening. Nobody said anything, but everybody noticed.

Eventually, after covering allergies, engagements, breakfast, weather, manicures and Lydia’s ongoing celebrity heartbreak, we remembered there was actually a hockey match to play. And somehow, Brox came out flying. Vic opened the scoring after just seven minutes, Nads made it 2–0 on 15, and Jess added a third five minutes later. Brox were moving the ball around beautifully, Hannah was quietly picking off anything loose before Harleston could do anything useful with it, Hallie kept appearing exactly where the opposition least wanted her, and Cate was calmly sorting things out behind everyone like the one responsible adult on a group holiday.

Lara and Skipp kept the tempo high, Lydia had somehow converted James Morrison-related grief into forward momentum, and Al appeared to have recovered from the trauma of her undocumented breakfast. Emily then converted from a short corner on 31 minutes to make it 4–0 at half-time. At this stage the performance was smoother than peanut butter, and Harleston were being passed around like a bowl of mixed nuts at Christmas.

As If’s half-time message was therefore largely centred around not ruining it. Keep moving the ball, stay switched on, don’t get clever and, most importantly, nobody suddenly decide that conventional hockey positions are optional. Historically, Brox with a comfortable lead and too much time to think is not always a combination that ends well.

Three minutes into the second half, Vic scored again to make it 5–0, which only strengthened the theory that her evening date was providing some sort of performance-enhancing glow. Forget gels, caffeine and pre-match carbs; apparently all you need is a fresh manicure and the prospect of being taken somewhere nice later. As If may now be forced to add “secure romantic prospects” to the weekly preparation schedule.

Bench then got involved and scored from a short corner on 42 minutes, before doing exactly the same thing again on 50 minutes. Two goals in eight minutes was already quite greedy behaviour from someone whose team-sheet name is literally Bench, but by this point Harleston’s defence had seen more combinations than the chocolate aisle at Christmas. Every time they thought they had safely avoided one option, another Brox player appeared. It was essentially a Celebrations tub where every wrapper contained something they didn’t want.

Meanwhile, Lily was having perhaps the least demanding afternoon of her goalkeeping career. The defensive line had clearly decided that the clean sheet would only truly count if Lily did absolutely nothing. On the rare occasion the ball made it anywhere near her, she was met with immediate daggers from the back line, as though touching it represented a personal failure on their part. Her role for the afternoon had effectively become to stand there, look suitably goalkeepy, enjoy the sunshine and avoid unnecessary involvement. The one time she dared touch the ball, the reaction was roughly the same as someone taking the last Ferrero Rocher without asking. Honestly, she had less to do than Darcy.

Nads then added her second on 65 minutes to make it 8–0, at which point the whole afternoon had become slightly ridiculous. The goals were being spread around with the restraint of someone left alone with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, which is to say none whatsoever. The assists were officially shared between Bench, Ellie, Jess, Jess, Lara, Skipp, Nads and Cate, although nobody can confidently remember who assisted which goal, so we have chosen not to let facts get in the way of a good statistic. Jess was clearly feeling generous, Skipp’s will no doubt be described as defence-splitting regardless of what actually happened, Lara’s was definitely intentional, Cate will quietly accept hers and move on, and Bench having two goals and an assist feels unnecessarily showy.

Hannah and Hallie may not have troubled the scoresheet, but they spent the afternoon making sure Harleston didn’t either. Lydia survived the game without requesting another James Morrison track, Al remained fully nourished, Emily got her goal, Lara, Skipp and Cate kept everything moving, and Lily completed a full match while barely being required to participate in one. By the final whistle, all fourteen of Ellie, Vic, Nads, Jess, Lydia, Lara, Al, Hannah, Bench, Hallie, Cate, Skipp, Emily and Lily had managed to contribute to what had somehow become a completely comfortable 8–0 win.

Player of the Match went to Vic, who scored twice, played brilliantly and spent the entire afternoon looking suspiciously glowy. Perhaps it was the sunshine, perhaps it was the manicure, perhaps it was the satisfaction of putting eight past Harleston, or perhaps it was the knowledge that she had a date that evening. Whatever it was, she was glowing like a Ferrero Rocher in a Christmas advert. Fresh nails, two goals and romantic plans is clearly a dangerous combination, and the engagement-style manicure remains under investigation.

Donkey of the Day went to Ellie for having a nut allergy, which feels like an impressively harsh outcome for something she did not personally select. After already being taken out by half a cookie earlier in the week, she arrived on Saturday only to discover that her immune system was now being treated as a disciplinary matter. The vote was apparently democratic; Ellie has called it victimisation, while As If has called it funny. She has requested that all future Donkey nominations come in sealed packaging with allergens clearly highlighted in bold.

So there we have it: eight goals, one clean sheet, one engagement, one date, one empty breakfast plate, one emotionally compromised James Morrison fan, one goalkeeper effectively on annual leave and, most importantly, zero medical emergencies. For once, the only thing requiring serious recovery time was Harleston.

Mens 4s vs Stevenage 4 - 4-1 loss
Goal scorer: Symon
Assist: Ollie W
Player: Samuel F

The men’s 4’s returned home for the first time this season to take on Stevenage 4’s

Major Changes to the squad due to injuries / Holidays / supporting the 3’s saw needed support from the 5’s

Charlie once again started in goal, with fellow keeper, Ryan BA needed on pitch

The returning Rich Mellor stepped into the defence to fill the void left by Luke wearing the captain armband
Injured Captain was replaced at left back by Samuel F
Kieran O and Joseph retained their usual positions

Midfield pairing of Danny and Ollie B continued in their usual positions
With a front line of Harrison / Symon P / Ollie W and Ryan BA

Ian Martin, Rory L and father / son pairing of Steve / Harry Hall supported from the bench

Game started quite evenly, with both teams working to apply pressure

Unfortunately after 7 mins a short corner was conceded and was converted by the away team

Broxbourne tried to regroup and get back into the game, but were shocked when Stevenage struck again a few minutes later

The chaos continued within 5 mins when a third hit the back of the net

This was going to be a very long afternoon

A lifeline for Broxbourne in the form of a short corner came just after 20mins
Ryan injected to find Ollie W, who set up a thunderbolt from Symon P

Scoreline remained the same as the half time whistle sounded

Although the scoreline wasn’t great, the team remained committed and determined to get back into the fixture

Subs rolled on as often as possible to keep the legs fresh

Unfortunately the away team struck again to finish off the unbalanced Broxbourne side

The lads battled to the final whistle, but the comeback was not to be
Big well done the everyone that played

Potential too many changes to the squad had upset the balance of the team.

But we remain positive and aim to get back on track for the next fixture

Mens 3s vs Mens 2s - Mens 2s 3-0 win
Goal scorers: Jack x2, Nelson
Assists: Browny, Andy L & Lance
Player: Satwick (Mens 2s) and Jake & Scott (Mens 3s)
Donkey: Nelson (Mens 2s)

The home derby featured a new-look 3s defence, with Digger returning and Luke stepping up from the 4s, while Scott also returned in midfield.

We battled hard throughout the first half and produced some lovely one-touch hockey through midfield. The 2s were clinical inside the circle, with goals from Jack and Sam giving them a 2–0 lead at half-time.

There was plenty of positive discussion at the break, with the general feeling that our performance deserved encouragement and that we should keep playing in the same manner.

The 2s continued to enjoy plenty of possession after the restart, and Jack scored his second of the game early in the half. Despite that, some excellent midfield play allowed us to move up the pitch quickly and create several chances of our own.

The team never gave up and competed right until the final whistle. Notable performances came from Jake, Scott, Kieron, Geezer and Digger, who made an assured return to the defence.

Overall, it was a positive and encouraging performance despite the scoreline.

Next up, we welcome Blueharts 4s at home.

Away Fixtures

Ladies 3s vs Blueharts 4 - 2-0 win
Goal scorers: Grace K & Fixy
Assist: Olivia
Player: Cerys
Donkey: Aaliyah

The last visit to Hitchin against Blueharts had been a particularly disappointing one for the Badgers, so they were determined that their first of two visits to North Herts this season would be a much more successful affair.
With Blueharts 4XI recently promoted, the team felt this was a fixture where there were definitely points to be taken. Spirits were high as the team arrived in plenty of time — with the notable exception of Aaliyah, who had spent the previous evening hydrating herself with alcoholic beverages and was consequently suffering from a horrendous hangover that still hadn’t cleared by the 11:15 meeting time. Thankfully, Lauren was on hand with her trusty 2L of electrolytes to aid the recovery.

Meanwhile, Tara provided the entertainment by reenacting some previous defensive errors before disappearing behind the toilet door for some additional “fun”. Quite how this was considered preparation for a hockey match remains unclear.

The team eventually made their way onto the pitch for the warm-up, although they weren’t expecting quite such a rigorous start. The goals had not been put into position, meaning the team had to get involved with some impromptu goal relocation. As if that wasn’t enough, they were also tasked with moving some football goals from the side of the pitch to a more suitable location. Nothing quite says pre-match preparation like a bit of manual labour.

Once the whistle went, the match was busy from the start. Blueharts took the pushback and immediately began their attack while Broxbourne worked to find their feet. Much like last week, the Badgers responded well, picking up their players defensively and working hard to limit the opposition’s options.

At times the pressure was relentless, but Broxbourne gradually began to build momentum and were creating more opportunities and shots on goal. Some superb runs from Kirsty and Grace through the middle, combined with some excellent link-up play, eventually resulted in the opening goal.

1–0 Broxbourne — Fixy.

The goal gave the Badgers a much-needed boost, but it also appeared to fire up Blueharts, who responded with renewed pressure. Fortunately for Broxbourne, Blueharts struggled to find the final touch when it mattered. When they did manage to get through, Cerys, Lauren and Tara were on hand to sweep the ball away and keep the danger at bay.

Kim was also making full use of her “lack of height”, getting down low and managing to take the ball straight from the sticks of the opposition. Low centre of gravity: apparently an essential defensive tactic.

Broxbourne continued to look dangerous going forward and, just before half-time, Grace produced an absolute masterpiece. Her twinkle toes took her through the Blueharts defence as she danced her way towards goal before calmly slotting the ball home.

2–0 Broxbourne — Grace.

The Badgers went into the break with a two-goal advantage and plenty to be pleased about.

The second half began one player lighter after Fixy decided that her work colleagues had a better offer. Despite this minor betrayal, Broxbourne returned to the pitch determined to defend their lead.

Blueharts came out fighting and proceeded to rain a plethora of shots towards the Broxbourne defence. The Badgers, however, stood firm. Wave after wave of pressure was absorbed, with the defensive unit holding their shape and doing everything possible to keep Blueharts away from the goal.

Despite tired legs — and possibly a few lingering effects of the pre-match festivities — Broxbourne continued to look for opportunities to attack. There was some lovely link-up play across the pitch, with Maisie making several excellent runs down the wing and regularly leaving the opposition chasing shadows.

A special mention must also go to Cerys, who appeared to have taken on approximately every role available on the pitch. She was seen numerous times taking the ball from the top of the diamond and driving forward into the attacking D, demonstrating an impressive ability to apparently be everywhere at once.

The final whistle eventually brought an end to a hard-fought game, with the scoreboard reading:

Blueharts 0 – 2 Broxbourne Ladies 3XI

Once the oxygen had returned to the team’s lungs and everyone had recovered sufficiently to stand upright, the Badgers were able to reflect on a very pleasing result.

It certainly wasn’t the most perfect of performances in honour of Coach Baz… some of it was shit but there were moments of sexy, and there were plenty of areas to work on, but the team showed resilience, defended resolutely and took their chances when they mattered.

Most importantly, the Badgers came away from Hitchin with the points — making this visit to North Herts considerably more successful than the last one.

Mens 1s vs Old Loughtonians 2 - 4-1 loss
Goal scorer: Hoppo
Player: Elliot F
Donkey: Luke

The Badgers' second game of the season, and first away fixture, ended in a difficult 4-1 defeat to Old Loughtonians 2s.

The match started evenly, with high-energy running from both sides. However, it was Old Loughts who broke the deadlock in the first quarter.

Despite the Badgers' energy and commitment, the connections just weren't happening, and Old Loughts took control of the half, going in at the break two goals to goals up.

Broxbourne came out strongly in the second half, making some penetrating attacks and rediscovering the link-up play that secured the win on the opening day of the season and Hoppo Sr. Scoring a tidy finish.

Unfortunately, it wasn't enough, and it proved a difficult day at the office, with the match finishing 4-1 to Old Loughts. The Badgers will regroup and return to the home fortress next week, looking to put more points on the board.

Man of the Match: Elliot Francis
Tireless running from the young man throughout, both on the ball and in the press. He also received numerous shout-outs for playing out of position, when he was, in fact, playing his usual position. Either way, a quality all-round performance and a thoroughly deserved Man of the Match.

Dick of the Day: Luke Saunders
A very below par performance. Also, made a tackle in the first quarter, only for the umpire on the neighbouring pitch to blow his whistle at the least opportune moment, prompting chaotic scenes and cries of "It's not our whistle!". Unfortunately, Luke had already retreated five metres, allowing Old Loughts to break through and very nearly score.

The umpire from the neighbouring pitch has since been banned from officiating any future matches.

Ladies 2s vs Harpenden 1 - 4-1 win
Goal scorers: Isla x2, Charlotte & Amy
Assists: Gemma x2, Charlotte & Box
Player: Isla
Donkey: Sue

This match report is not about being vegetarian, weather reporting or even suggesting you collect donkey votes when your phone isn’t working, although that didn’t help…

It all began with the story of a wing mirror…broken, fixed, not actually fixed (IYKYK) If only everyone had been in the car, donkey could have been in the (ball) bag…
Then a dropped skort was hidden but not very well…’is it up there to dry?’

Captain Izzy provided some key pointers while we avoided being seen through the porthole.

Vice captain and warm up queen Ella treated us to a tour of the Woollams playing fields. Humidity was high but music was sadly lacking due to aforementioned phone issues, which may have contributed to a lacklustre start. Harpenden were first to score despite some good attacking play.

A rousing half time team talk and slight change to tactics made all the difference. Transfers were great, the whole width of the pitch was used and the press was effective.
In the second half we dominated, scoring 4 goals, and leaving everything on the pitch, some quite literally…
Bob didn’t notice the Harpenden goalie hit her on the head with her stick
Box scraped half her knee off to ensure she got that assist (no VAR, a cheer from everyone, yes, Box, definitely you)
Isla fell over, twice, in a minute.
And then there was Sue, taken out by the youngest player on the pitch. A lesson in slow mo falling…and, after the tears of laughter had dried, unanimous donkey.

Goals came from Charlotte, Amy and Isla x2, with assists from Gem x2, Box and Charlotte.

Well deserved player to Isla for great attacking play and 2 goals

Well done L2s, we go again next week away (again) against Blueharts.

Mens 5s Dev vs Shefford & Sandy 4 Dev - cancelled

Thanks to those of you that joined us in the bar for our first social of the season! Great to see so many from the Ladies 1s & 2s and Mens 1s, 2s & 3s there. See you all for the next social… Hallowe’en on 31st October!

Coming up next weekend...

Saturday 26th September
Home Fixtures
10am - Ladies 3s vs Bishop's Stortford 4
12pm - Mens 1s vs Ipswich 1
1.30pm - Mens 3s vs Blueharts 4
3pm - Mens 5s Dev vs Hertford 7 Dev

Away Fixtures
10.30am - Ladies 5s vs Letchworth 5
12pm - Ladies 2s vs Blueharts 2
12pm - Mens 2s vs Blueharts 5
12.15pm - Ladies 4s vs Chiltern 1
2.30pm - Ladies 1s vs Chelmsford 1
4.30pm - Mens 4s vs Potters Bar 3 Dev

Upcoming Matches

League

03 Oct PB 10:00

Broxbourne 2

Berkhamsted & Hemel Hempstead 1