Bonus Round:
• Emily smashes one home (assisted by Charlotte) – 2–1
• Charlotte bags another with an Evie assist – 3–1
At this point, Brox are buzzing like they’ve nailed the pub quiz music round.

Trick Question: What happens when you relax slightly too much?
Bedford answers twice, including a last-minute scrappy equaliser.
Half-time score: 3–3. Heart rates: elevated.

Second half became a General Knowledge nightmare. Some gorgeous phases of play, slick passing, and solid graft across the pitch, but consistency? Never heard of her. Bedford sneak in two more and take it 3–5 at the final whistle.

Surprise Question – Guest Appearance Round:

Question: Who turned up with the biggest support act of the day?
Answer: Captain Millie, arriving with brand new baby badger Mimi, immediately topping the leaderboard for Cutest Spectator and rendering all tactical discussions irrelevant.

Bonus Question: What happens when the Badgers are exposed to a newborn for more than 30 seconds?
Answer: Lydia confidently submits the most unhinged answer of the day, announcing that babies get their hair from their mum’s private parts.
Incorrect.
Disturbing.
Somehow still not donkey-worthy.

Tie-Breaker: How did Lydia avoid donkey after that statement?
A) She ran away
B) Everyone was too stunned to react
C) The quizmaster lost control of the room
D) All of the above
Correct answer: Pinned the vote on Isobel

Mimi remained unfazed, Millie remained proud, and the Badgers collectively agreed this was the strangest round of the quiz—despite the quiz not having started yet.

Awards Round:
Player of the Match: Grace C – calm, class, and carrying the defence like a seasoned quiz captain.

Donkey: Isobel.
For… reasons entirely unrelated to Saturday. Allegedly a Wednesday training incident involving too much passion, a rogue swing, and a flying stick. Meanwhile Jess got the wrong train again and forgot the donkey jacket, but sure, let’s punish the one who writes good match reports. Traitors. Absolute traitors.

Final score: Bedford win 5–3
Badgers take the moral victory, the banter crown, and head off to the Annual Badger Quiz ready to dominate the only competition that really matters.

Mens 1s vs Bedford 1 - 3-3 draw
Goal scorers: Sam G, Iain & Sam W
Assists: TBC
Player: TBC
Donkey: TBC
Cards: Henry & Sam W (green)

Match report pending.

Ladies 1s vs Bedford 1 - 3-2 loss
Goal scorers: Meg S & Nads
Assists: Em & Tor
Player: Vic
Donkey: Hallie

Broxbourne 2–3 Bedford: A Trash-Talk Thriller

Broxbourne hit the pitch like a well‑oiled recycling machine, sorting Bedford’s defence into neat little piles in the opening minutes and taking a 1–0 lead thanks to Nads, who swept the ball into the net like she was tidying up a spill in the D. The press was tight, the passes were clean and for a moment Bedford looked like yesterday’s rubbish left out in the rain.

But as the first quarter wore on, Bedford clawed their way back from the bin, capitalising on a few loose scraps at the back to bag two goals and turn it into a 2–1 game before the break.

The middle phases were a landfill of effort: tackles flying in, turnovers dumped and recycled, and Broxbourne determined not to let the game go to waste. Meg decided enough was enough and produced a golden piece of rubbish‑to‑riches magic in the third quarter, smashing home to make it 3–2. Broxbourne kept sifting through Bedford’s back line, looking for that one stray chance to bag an equaliser, refusing to let their work be reduced to scrap.

As the clock ticked down, Broxbourne earned a late short corner, the perfect opportunity to take out the trash and salvage a point. The routine was set up neatly like separate recycling bins, but the final shot just didn’t find its way to the right container and the chance was sadly thrown away. The whistle went with Broxbourne feeling like the better side had been left on the curb, performance polished but result consigned to the wrong bin.

Vic fully deserved her player of the match, constantly offering herself for passes with sharp leads, popping up in space like a litter of cats spilling out of an overfilled cardboard box, always available, always causing problems, and absolutely everywhere. At the other end of the spectrum, Hallie claimed Dick of the Day after a right palaver with her contact lenses before pushback, turning the pre‑match warm‑up into a full‑on rubbish collection as everyone tried to help sort out the situation.

Despite the 3–2 scoreline, Broxbourne can take plenty of positives from a performance that was far from garbage: high energy, relentless effort and spells of play that were anything but wasteful. Bring on Ipswich!

Mens 2s vs Royston 1 - 2-0 win
Goal scorers: Tom & Mitch
Assists: Sully & Browny
Player: Tom
Donkey: Fordy

No Rubbish in Site

On the weekend where the match day sponsor was a waste removal company. It was fitting that the 2s picked up their broken selves, chuck out the pieces, and replaced them with a sense of determination and eagerness to prove that what had been seen so far this season, was far below their expectations. With a depleted squad, Mitch got the SOS call to hold off on the beers for a few hours to become the 12th man under the lights.

Captain Price, still not fit to play, swapped the armband for an Arsene Wenger style manager’s jacket and quoting Neil Warnock “By all means, enjoy it but enjoy it by being f’ing disciplined.” How long is it until he leaves?

But boy were they disciplined. The game started strong for the 2s. Keeping the ball nicely, moving it from side to side at a good pace, and made purposeful leads to the ball. Browny played a lovely aerial through ball to Jake who took it round the keeper and was unfortunate to not be able to get his feet sorted to slot home to make it 1-0. Brox looked in control of the game. It wasn’t long before young Tom decided he wanted a piece of the action. Showing off his skills, he swept side two defenders to get to the top of the D, and with a clinical reverse stick into the bottom corner confirmed that the 2s would go into the break ahead.

The halftime team talk was more of the same please. We have been in this situation before and know that it would be very Broxbourne like to not see this game out. The next goal was going to be crucial.

The second half continued in the same vein as the first. Broxbourne looking comfortable on the ball and showcasing the entertaining hockey they can produce. Apart from one moment Fordy gave the supporters a slight scare. Nearly clearing a routine stop to their forward, only for Satwick to nick it just in time, Royston had nothing. Just when we thought the fun might have stopped for the evening, Mitch got in on the action. Running into the D to blast another reverse hit into the far top corner, rivalling Tom’s earlier strike.

A 2-0 win and a solid performance to put us one point off safety. Who needs a waste removal company when you can clean up your act like that.

Away Fixtures

Ladies 4s vs Stevenage 4 - 3-0 win
Goal scorers: Ella T x2 & Kirsty B
Assists: Jo x2 & Kirsty B
Player: Ella T
Donkey: Alisha

Can you score a goal by hitting a bolt on the side of the goal? The jury is still out on this one.

The Ladies 4s travelled to Stevenage to take on Stevenage 4s. With not a lot of wiggle room in the league table we were looking forward to a good match. Half of the team arrived at the confirmed meet time of 9am - it seems our lovely captain forgot how to read a clock and turned up 15 minutes late with Jo in tow claiming to have been watching ‘a random woman park’. It was at this moment we knew that today would have many donkey contenders.

In the first few minutes a goal was scored with Kirsty storming into the D and a deflection into the goal by Jo. It should be noted that this goal has been the source of argument between the two forwards. I believe they’ve kissed and made up since the game and they have decided not to let a rusty bolt come between them - how sweet.

Defence was strong in the first half, although Stevenage were successfully awarded 2 shorts corners both were cleared by the stunning line of defence (and goalkeeper).

There was excellent communication between the team. Ella and Jen had taken on the challenge of being more vocal and I would rate them 10/10 for their improved vocality (word provided by Ivy).

Half time came and Brox were 2-0 up. An enthralling team talk, and sweets from Lisa sent the team on their way.

Meg and Annie spent most of the second half dashing into the D trying to get around Stevenage’s goalkeeper to not much avail. Jo then managed to get a Stevenage defender to save her shot on goal rewarding Broxbourne with a penalty flick! This was taken by Ella who managed to flick it straight into the bottom left corner - GOAL!!

Ending the match with a 3-0 win, it was a great day at the office for the Ladies 4s. The teas have been reviewed by the team as ‘one of the high points of the day’ despite seeing a Stevenage player shut herself on the boot of their car. Sadly, their bar was not open at midday - something we have not come across playing the evening games for a lot of the last half of the season.

Player went to Ella for her cracking goal from the penalty flick. Donkey went to Alisha for holding up the start of the game to clip in her helmet - safety first I say.

Mens 4s vs Bedford 7 - 2-1 loss
Goal scorer: Henry S
Assist: Symon
Player: Luke H

This week saw the Broxbourne Men's 4s travel to Bedford for a 3rd place battle. Results last week switched 3rd and 4th place in favour of Broxbourne, so this was going to be a important game for both teams.

Brox arrived for their early afternoon game, feeling slightly weary from the long journey.

The team began warming up on the freshly laid blue Bedford pitch.

The team were missing a couple of vital players from the previous game, but reinforcements from the 5's helped bulk the squad back to a healthy 15 players.

A change in goal brought in 5's keeper Logan, in place of Ryan who had other commitments this week.

Still without Andy Harris, the 4's welcomed back Bourke, who last week who single handedly carried the 3's and gained himself a well deserved MOM award.

Fresh replaced Kieran O alongside Andy Bourke in the centre of defence and Joseph jumped in at full back after a great performance last week, and left side of defence covered by Luke.

Missing 3 centre midfielders this week in the form of Kieran P, Rich Mellor and Paul Staples, Captain Moorhouse was therefore required to step up and bolster the central channel
with Trev Mellor and Danny G. Trev and Danny were both carrying injuries and with Jason just being Jason, meant that the youthful Ollie Brown would surely be called upon to support.

Ollie Wilkinson was on the bench to support the forward line of Harrison M / Noah and Henry, along with Symon P. Oakley also available this week to support the back line.

With ibuprofen, Lucozade, and energy gels consumed, deep heat applied - The match got under way.

The game its self was actually quite even, which was surprising, as we were well beaten in the home fixture earlier in the season.

Both teams pushed and tried to break the deadlock. Some nice passing and link up play from the away team.

Unfortunately Brox switched off and allowed the Home team to take the lead just before half time. A bit of a mix up and a frustrating goal to give away.

1 - 0 at half time.

A positive half time talk by both Fresh and Trev, fired up the lads for the second half.

The game continued to be a very even contest and with hard work, Brox managed to pull one back.
Henry Staples converted from a Symon P assist

Game on !

Some expected, questionable Umpiring decisions went against Brox, but we hung on.

The game was looking like stalemate, but with minutes to go, a Broxbourne loss of concentration combined with a cheeky goal hanger saw Bedford grab another.

Broxbourne threw everything they had at the opposition for the remaining minutes, but were unable to capitalise. Trev hit the post from just inside the D and a few wide shots from others.

2 - 1 loss

A lot of positives to take away, but a reminder to everyone to stay switched on until the final whistle - The improvement in this team has been great to be part of.

Mens 3s vs Southgate Adelaide 1 - 3-3 draw
Goal scorers: KP x3
Assists: Stu x2 & Cranners
Player: Elliot & James DS
Donkey: KP

A Day at the Beach: M3s Secure Safety Amidst the Refuse
In a performance that leaned heavily into the "waste removal" theme of our partner, the M3s traveled to North London this weekend for a fixture that was riddled with garbage from the first whistle. The venue—a school pitch seemingly reclaimed by nature—was more "landfill" than "landscaped," featuring a surface so thick with sand it felt like a beach holiday gone wrong.

Pre-Match Scavenging
The buildup was far from tidy. High hopes of moving into 2nd place were hampered by a cluttered availability list, leaving us down to 10 men. A few calls to Jase brought in Rich M and Kieron P from the 4s to bolster the squad.
After a drive through North London that felt like sitting in a slow-moving bin lorry, we arrived to find a car park overflowing with chess enthusiasts. Between the gridlock and the time spent staring at the weeds and brambles growing onto the pitch, our warm-up was effectively discarded, limited to just 15 minutes of players franticly knocking sand out of their boots.

First Half: Sorting Through the Scraps
The game began in scrappy fashion as Broxbourne struggled to navigate the dunes. The ball moved like it was being dragged through a skip, and players frequently found themselves outrunning their own passes. Adelaide eventually recycled a loose ball into a goal after 17 minutes, catching Si in a 1-on-1.
Broxbourne refused to be thrown away, hitting back immediately through a KP short-corner strike. However, the defense failed to clear the clutter before the break, allowing Adelaide to snatch a second goal that was nearly identical to their first. We went into the half trailing 1-2, feeling like we’d been handed a bum deal.

Second Half: Turning Trash into Treasure
Early in the second half, Stu decided to stop messing about. Heeding his own advice to "hit it hard," he launched a long-range clearance from deep in his own half. On any other pitch, it would have been wasteful, but on this sand-pit, it stopped dead for KP at the edge of the D. KP turned his man and clinically disposed of the ball into the back of the net.

The hosts briefly threatened to bin our comeback by making it 3-2 via a well-worked short corner, but Broxbourne refused to be consigned to the heap. Shifting to a high-risk system with Hugh as the lone defender, we pushed our younger legs—James DS and Elliot B—forward. The pressure told: another pinpoint delivery from Stu found KP, who avoided any further rubbish finishes to secure his hat-trick and level the score at 3-3.

While it may feel like two points consigned to the bin, the draw officially confirms that the M3s cannot be caught by the bottom two sides. Having secured our Div 3 status for next season, we can now focus on cleaning up the remaining six games to push for a top-two finish.

Man of the Match honours were shared by James DS and Elliot B for their tireless work on the flanks—covering more ground than a litter picker on a windy day. Donkey of the Day went to hat-trick hero KP for a trash attempt to lob the keeper on the goal line and for calling for a half-court press with more than two minutes left on the clock.

Ladies 3s vs Berkhamsted & Hemel 2 - 4-2 loss
Goal scorers: Isla x2
Assists: Grace K
Player: Isla
Donkey: Isla

Ladies 3s turn up for the second half.

On paper, this was going to be a tough match. Broxbourne had only narrowly taken the victory in the last meeting.

A 2:30PB in Tring was never going to be fun, but the team descended on the Cow Roast looking to take on the challenge under the captaincy of Cerys, as the Fixter’s were once again unavailable due to a family gathering.

In short, the team did not turn up for the first half (the less said about that the better).

Unfortunately the game was further delayed when 7 minutes before half time, the Berko umpire suffered a back injury. We wish her a speedy recovery and cannot fault the opposition for their swift action in finding another umpire.

The second half was better. The team came together, showed great resilience and managed to get 2 goals. We won the second half and will take that! Another injury, this time to Laura left the team with only one sub against a very sprightly Berko team.

Final score 4-2 to Berko.

Some things to work on at training but we move on.

Player went to Isla for two goals that she battled hard for even scrambling on the floor against the goalie.

Donkey also to Isla for spending the vast majority of the game on the floor.

Annual Badger Quiz
Another hugely successful badger quiz, hosted by Gemma W & Em W. A lot of fun was had with over 70 players across 12 teams, with the favourite round undoubtably the AI face smash. Well done to the winning team, The Ladies 3s "underperformance squad". Over £780 has been raised so far in aid of the Mount Vernon Marie Curie Research Wing Trust. If you haven't yet donated and would like to, please visit the Just Giving page.

Coming up this weekend

Saturday 31st January

Home Fixtures
10am - Mens 5s vs Berkhamsted & Hemel 6 Dev
11.30am - Ladies 4s vs West Herts 4
1pm - Ladies 3s vs Blueharts 3
3pm - Mens 1s vs Blueharts 1
4.30pm - Mens 4s vs Saffron Walden 7

Away Fixtures
1pm - Mens 2s vs St Albans 3
2pm - Ladies 5s vs Bishop's Stortford 9
3.30pm - Ladies 2s vs Letchworth 1
4pm - Ladies 1s vs Ipswich 1
5pm - Mens 3s vs Letchworth 2

Sunday 1st February

Home Fixtures
3.15pm - Mixed vs St Albans

Note to anyone that gets this far on my weekly match report round up:
Please bare with us over the next few weeks as there may be a delay in the usual match report round up and fantasy point uploads. Both myself and Jack are on our travels and getting used to the time difference (and being so far away from each other).