How does one turn up to hockey without shoes? Honestly, we’re still trying to figure it out – though we were feeling vaguely confident after Lisa’s team talk (spoiler alert: confidence is overrated).
Our first contender for ‘Donkey of the Match’ made her bid before we’d even left the changing room when Jaz rocked up with… no hockey shoes. In their place? Crocs. Sports mode crocs, apparently – because that makes it fine. Thankfully her mum staged a last-minute rescue before we had to watch her attempt to play in rubber clogs.
Finally on the pitch, Alisha was miked up commentating like her life depended on it. The first 10 minutes ping-ponged back and forth with some solid defending, and umpire Tara earned her wages by blowing for a short corner milliseconds before the opposition could score – probably saving us from an early crisis. Then there was Imogen, who decided the wing wasn’t exciting enough and tried to merge with a nearby bush. Spoiler: the bush won.
We held firm at 0-0 until five minutes before half-time, when West Herts were awarded a short corner. Of course it went in – because why wouldn’t it?
Half-time saw Tors and Josh dishing out wisdom like self-help gurus. We charged back out, and for the first 10 minutes Broxbourne attackers were camped in the D attempting to score. Meg and Ella made runs so good you’d think they’d planned them, but somehow missed more chances than a beginner at darts. Jo’s shot bounced off the post – the only thing harder than our luck that day.
Blue Herts saw our captain Lisa was too good and decide to take her out, forcing a substitution that made our formation look less like a team and more like musical chairs. We got two short corners – Ella’s shots were so close you could measure the gap with a hair strand, but close only counts in horseshoes and… well, not hockey.
Full time: 1-0 to them. Then Kirsty got injured after the game when a stray ball attacked her shin during the Women’s 3s warm-up. Really Kirsty?
Unsurprisingly, Jaz walked away with the Donkey award (those crocs sealed her fate). Player of the Match went to Meg for her great runs and – the only one not lost in foliage or wearing slippers.

Ladies 3s vs Blueharts 3 - 3-0 win
Goal scorers: Cerys, Fixy & Emily B
Assists: Cerys & Hannah
Player: Cerys
Donkey: Isla

Broxbourne returned to home turf with fire in their bellies and a point to prove. After the 4–0 defeat in the away fixture, the Badgers were determined to flip the script—and they wasted absolutely no time doing so.

In just the 3rd minute, Cerys produced a moment of pure magic. A strike so outrageous, so clean, so utterly worldie, it had absolutely no business appearing in a Ladies 3XI match. The ball rocketed towards the backboard, the sideline erupted, and the Champagne Moment was already wrapped up before most spectators had even settled in. The early goal stunned Blueharts, who clearly hadn’t expected such a transformed Broxbourne side after the previous encounter.

With momentum firmly in their favour, Broxbourne kept their foot on the pedal. The passing was sharp, the communication crisp, and the confidence unmistakable. Wave after wave of pressure forced Blueharts deep into their own half, and any attempt they made to break out was swiftly shut down by a disciplined and well‑organised Broxbourne defence. There were a few heart‑in‑mouth moments—because what’s a hockey match without them—but the Badgers handled each scare with composure.

Just before the break, Broxbourne doubled their lead. The goal came from none other than Jane Fixter—previously known (lovingly) as the player you wouldn’t want sprinting after a loose ball. But this time she was off like a shot, pounced on the chance, and calmly slotted home the second. A 2–0 lead at half‑time, and fully deserved.

Blueharts came out stronger in the second half, clearly intent on clawing their way back into the match. But Broxbourne’s press held firm. The structure, patience, and collective belief were obvious, and the sheer number of tackles, blocks, and interceptions would’ve made any coach beam with pride. The Badgers refused to let Blueharts settle, shutting down attacks before they could develop.

Then came the 60th minute. A miscontrol at the top of the Blueharts D gifted Broxbourne a golden opportunity, and Boxall pounced with ruthless efficiency. She intercepted, steadied herself, and absolutely smashed the ball home for Broxbourne’s third. Her celebration was nothing short of emphatic—arms aloft, pure joy—and the bench matched her energy with equal enthusiasm.

The final ten minutes were all about grit and determination. Broxbourne threw themselves into every challenge, every clearance, every scrap of play to protect the clean sheet. And with certain podcast‑loving friends ready to pounce on any defensive slip‑up, the bragging rights were very much on the line.

When the whistle blew, the Badgers had their reward: a 3–0 victory, a clean sheet, and a performance that showed just how far they’ve come. From the early worldie to the relentless press, this was a statement win—one built on teamwork, belief, and a whole lot of heart.

Player of the match went to Cerys for her fantastic work up front

Donkey went to Isla for being too committed to the attack and tackling Cerys in the D.

Mens 1s vs Blueharts 1 - 5-1 loss
Goal scorer: Sam W
Assist: TBC
Player: George
Donkey: Ed & Elliot
Cards: Ed & Tom H (green)

Match report pending.

Mens 4s vs Saffron Walden 7 - 0-0 draw
Player: Harrison M & Henry S

This week saw the men's 4's return home for what was to be a fantastic opportunity to get back to winning ways.

A loss last week saw the 4's drop back to 4th in the table.

Another shake up to the squad, saw Ryan BA return in goal.
Noah and Kieran P already supporting the 3's were joined by Rich Mellor and Andy Bourke.

Missing experience in Andy Harris / Trevor Mellor and Paul staples meant reinforcements were desperately needed.

Digger / Shane and Ollie Brown jumped to the rescue

Having already supported the 10am 5's fixture, Captain Moorhouse/ Harrison / Kieran O / Ryan BA and Luke returned for another 70mins of hockey.
The "Doublers" were joined By Fresh and Ollie W for what would also be their 2nd game of the day

Warm up and Pre match chat complete, game got underway, umpires By Stuart and AJ

Immediately Broxbourne applied the pressure and sought out the 1st goal of the game.
Some good calm passing and movement was great to witness, and chances were created, unfortunately with no reward.

Subs rolled on and off to give the players a breather, without affecting the momentum.

Chances kept coming / short corners won, but Brox were still unable to find the back of the net !

nil - nil at the half way point

Half time talk was quite straight forward - Carry on as we were and surely a goal or 2 will come.

The Home team continued to create chances. Slight tweaks to the formation were made, but the Saffron Walden keeper simply would not give us a break with save after save.

The Broxbourne defence remained switched on, so not to give the away team any chance of causing an upset with game still goalless

As the game went on, the signs of it being one of those days became more and more likely.
Players were starting to get frustrated, wondering how we hadn't scored what should have be double figures.
The final whistle was blown and a point awarded to each team

The match Stats would have been an interesting one to see

Points shared, and a frustrated group of players
Although initially feeling like a loss, the positives were clear - Progress
We played as a team, and kept creating goal scoring opportunities

MOM - Harrison / Henry for Broxbourne, with the Saffron Walden keeper being the stand out player in the game with god only knows how many saves.

Away Fixtures

Mens 2s vs St Albans 3 - 4-0 loss
Player: Satwick
Donkey: Ruddy & Browny

Shooting practice for st albans
There were early rumours of good availability with a staggering 14 names on the team sheet. Then tom hopson got snatched by the ones! However with callups kp and wyatt we have plenty of options for matchday!
After inspiring team talks from jack and brownie we were pumped up and ready to play, so ready we run on the pitch and forgot to go for a jog! Until skipper reminded us on the warm up ordering system! Oops…
Then as the match started 13 soon turned to 12 as the fragile hips of 15 year old Elliot decided to pop on him resulting on him hobbling off the pitch in agony… It has to be said they pressed us high up the pitch and completely dominated us pulling us around the pitch passing and moving quickly creating lots and lots of short corners shout out to fordy for keeping the match 0-0 for 30 minutes after dealing with 35 short corners!
Sadly the pressure was to much in the end with an overload on the back post made it 1-0… i has to be said we didn’t get any help from the umpires this was highlighted with kp getting told to get on with it after getting completely taken out on a sharp counter attack!
We went into halftime feeling frustrated we let one in but optimistic the our defence kept us within reach!
We actually started the second half playing good hockey passing the ball quickly building play and continuing to worl hard off the ball. Unfortunately the problem with moving up the pitch it’s a long way back when you lose it… and they pounced on us frequently somehow fordy kept the ball out with a 3 on 1! Our legs began to go, and we couldn’t track our men and they manage to slip another 3 past us. It has to be said its a good thing they were horrendous at short corners with 0% sucess rate from 40 attempts!
There was a glimmer to positivity at the end with a last minute goal! As the umpires decided enough was enough a nano second before the ball crossed the line! End result 4-0 we move on with a massive match next week! Keeping positive with improvements shown

Ladies 5s vs Bishop's Stortford 9 - 2-0 loss
Player: Teagan

The day began with captain Hannah and vice captain Milly scrambling for extra players following an early announcement of having only 11 players. Thus began the mad dash for just one more player and coming away with a choice of 3. After Sarah BA and Fiona H came to the rescue, the Ladies 5s had a rare afternoon game following a seasonal stint of 10:00 and 10:30 games. Unfortunately it was away Bishop Stortford (Hockerill College) and the ladies struggled to find the correct building let alone the pitch, some would say this plus just scraping 13 players make for a bad omen.

After a speedy team talk to evacuate Sharon’s deep heat gas explosion, the team completed a DofE trek to find the pitch. The girls were in high spirits after 2 consecutive wins and unassuming cloudy skies. However this all came crashing down when the clouds parted and the 5s were left blinded, unable to distinguish friend from foe, Bishop Stortford quickly slipped in a goal past defenders Lorraine, Fran, Teagan and Sharon W. Goalie Hannah promised a vow of goal celibacy from that moment onwards. (Spoiler alert, she did not keep that vow). The first half consisted of a conceded short concerns, however the defence held their own and the vow of celibacy was upheld for the remainder of the half.

Midfield (Maisie, Olivia, Annie Q and Sarah BA) were left scrambling for the ball amongst a see of spritely young Stortford players who were much too fast for the badgers liking. The first half left the 5s frustrated and nervous but with only one goal conceded they hoped all was not lost. Following a pick me up team talk from interim coach Rebecca Ellis, the girls felt confident they could secure a win against the oppositions inaptly names ‘inexperienced youths.’

The second half saw the badgers put up a good fight, but much to their dismay, goalie Hannah conceded the second and final goal of the game. The forwards (Milly S, Dan and Shannon) had plenty of shots but couldn’t seem to beat the youths of Stortford and one potential goal saw Daniela pull her signature horizontal hockey duck, dive and dodge move and resulted in the opposition dashing off with the ball.

The game resulted in a loss of 0-2 with the ladies 5s voting Teagan as player for the second week in a row and donkey going to no one. Despite the disappointing loss, the 5s showed consistent improvement in keeping their heads up utilising space. All these positive notes will be back home at the badger’s den where the 5s will resume their weekly schedule of 10:00 games!

Ladies 2s vs Letchworth 1 - 2-0 win
Goal scorers: Charlotte & Bethany
Assists: Charlotte & Evie
Player: Kim
Donkey: Charlotte

Ding dong! It’s late morning, and the donkey jacket is delivered via PaulPrime to Charlotte’s house. She’s agreed to bring the jacket, fines keys and an extra top to the match on Isobel’s behalf, because the team will need them (but hopefully not her, especially not _that_ jacket). She arrives five minutes late to the meet time, but that’s ok, that’s not enough grounds for getting donkey… Yet.

When she finally gets to the changing room, the rest of the team are there plus some new faces from Haileybury – shout out to Grace R (no not that one, a different one!), Bethany and Ellie! After the usual tactical talk and the not-so-standard trainer try-ons, we head to the pitch.

In the first half, Letchworth capitalise on Broxbourne getting used to the hard playing surface and overcommitting players, passing the ball around us with ease and winning multiple short corners. Brox are struggling to get the ball out of their own half, so much so that Charlotte feels a bit left out up there and decides she wants a piece of the action, tracking back all the way to our baseline.

Broxbourne’s defence of Kim, Baz, Grace C, Sue, and Emily R weather the storm well, and in more ways than one, since it is now raining too; the 30% chance of rain at 4pm which weatherwoman Sue had warned of arrives early and culminates in a shower.

After a constructive team talk led by Meg, Lisa and Gem at half-time, the team know what they have to do in the second half.

The Broxbourne defence continues to absorb the pressure well, and makes good use of transfers around the back, and Grace R, Grace R (yes, you read that correctly), Evie and Ellie create some nice passages of passing play. Upfront, Jess and Gemma pile on the pressure and get themselves into decent positions.

Against the run of play, and much to Letchworth’s dismay and frustration, Broxbourne surprise themselves with the first goal of the game. Receiving a lovely ball from Evie, Charlotte tries to beat the keeper once: no luck, it rebounds off their pads. Already thinking about the “second phase”, she then forces the ball leftwards, around the keeper and remaining defenders to make it 1-0.

Not too long after, “it” happened. One of the Grace Rs sends the ball across the goal, and a second or so later it merrily rolls in. Surely it’s a goal! Even the umpire seems to thinks so, blowing his whistle with both hands pointing back up the pitch. But not Charlotte, oh no. Ding Dong! Nobody seems to be home this time… She, and the rest of the Letchworth defence, _knows_ that she has directed the ball into the goal with the front of her foot, and when they appeal it is so convincing that she herself joins in. Hence, *Confession 1) “It hit my foot”*. If Charlotte had been better at lying she would have known to apply the following advice: _Control information flow_ (i.e. simply don’t tell the defence and umpire). Instead, she seems to forget the stakes of this bottom-ish of the table clash and chooses to demonstrate to the opposition how to play in good spirit.

Unfortunately, this diplomatic mission backfired on many accounts. The rest of the team, upon *Confession 2) “I told everyone that it hit my foot”*, certainly thought that Charlotte must have been acting under the influence of some strong spirits of her own to display such a poor lack of judgement. If you ever find yourself in a similar situation by the way, it is (probably) permissible and wise to _Make your lie plausible + Stick to your Story_ (so run away from the goal back to halfway, shouting and cheering as you go).
Charlotte just really believed that Broxbourne would create more opportunities in the game, the first goal being an omen of many good things to come… And they did!

After some lovely play down the left-hand side of the pitch from Evie and Grace Rawlins, Charlotte then sends the ball down the line to newcomer Bethany/Beth, who runs it to the baseline and treats us all to a sweet low reverse hit across keeper, finding the right-hand corner of the backboard, getting a bit too close to the turf for comfort to get the perfect angle.

In other second half news, we win a corner, and Ellie receives a slightly harsh green card.

After a variety of nominations for Player, Kim deservedly came away with the crown for performing many crucial saves and keeping a clean sheet.

Charlotte, who really worked hard to earn that gorgeous donkey jacket, has since been advised to “zip it” in the future, and that, in certain circumstances, honesty is not always the best policy. She is learning new strategies should a similar scenario arise again and would like to take this opportunity to formally apologise to the team. She has also been told that she has “big feet”, which, as a size 5.5, has never happened before. She’s learnt so much today!

Anyway, a great away result for the Broxbourne Ladies 2s, who look forward to their game against Old Loughts 2s next week.

Ladies 1s vs Ipswich 1 - 2-1 win
Goal scorers: Vic & Paris
Assists: Willsy & Ellie
Player: Ellie
Donkey: Becky
Cards: Lara (yellow)

*Fear Itself Meets Its Match*

The Badgers faced one of their biggest fears: the dreaded 4pm away game. With drivers in short supply, amaxophobia (fear of driving) nearly derailed the day, but Martha’s Dad stepped in heroically, delivering the squad to Ipswich in full force.

Arrival brought immediate drama. Bench realised she’d packed the wrong kit colour and embarked on a frantic changing-room hunt, emerging with a perfectly matched, slightly damp, deeply smelly pink bib. An early, undeniable donkey secured — and possibly mysophobia unlocked.

The team arrived in dribs and drabs (fortunate, as the changing rooms barely held 11 humans), while Hallie unveiled her own take on team space buns, serving Britney Spears in bunchies and striking fear into hair ties everywhere.

Fuelled by Coach Az’s team talk (essentially fear exposure therapy), the Badgers started strongly. Defenders Bench, Hallie, Tor and Skipp linked seamlessly with the midfield, stretching Ipswich like someone confronting a black widow spider — lots of panic, little control.

Controlled possession soon found Dr Wills, whose first touch sent the ball goalwards for Vic to tap in, boosting her tally before she bravely faces aviophobia and jets off to New Zealand.

Ipswich responded with a converted short corner, briefly causing palpitations, but the Badgers didn’t flinch. Fresh from her ski trip and clearly immune to acrophobia, Lydia anchored play alongside Lara and Martha as pressure mounted.

Just before half time, Captain Ellie tore down the left with zero kakorrhaphiophobia (fear of failure), slipping a perfectly weighted pass to Paris, who coolly beat defender and keeper to restore the Badger lead.

In the second half, fear-riddled Em, who rarely leaves the confines of her home — let alone Hertfordshire — confronted a catalogue of anxieties simply to take the field, then defied them all by creating chance after chance under suffocating pressure.

In the final minutes, Ipswich ramped things up, pulling their keeper and creating earthquake-level pressure worthy of seismophobia. Lily and the defence stood firm, hearts on the line, fear nowhere to be seen (bananas safely avoided).

The Badgers saw out a well-earned 2–1 win, securing all three points.

Player of the Match went to Captain Ellie, whose fearless run and sublime assist were instrumental in the Badger victory — proof that courage beats fear every time.

Next week, the Badgers are back at home against Chelmsford.
No fear. No excuses.
See you at the Badgerden.

Mens 3s vs Letchworth 2 - 4-0 loss
Player: Simon

Shuffling the Deck.

The M3s headed to Letchworth for a 5:00 PM pushback, facing a bit of a "shuffle the pack" scenario. With KP, Sam, and Wyatt answering an SOS call from the 2s, the 3s dealt themselves a new hand, welcoming Jake, Kieron, and Noah into the mix, along with Rich returning to bolster the ranks. We were expecting a wildcard entry from Bourkey, but after being named MoM a few weeks ago for simply showing up, he decided to double down this time by not appearing at all (get well soon, Bourkey!).

In a rare move for the 3s, the squad congregated in the changing rooms to escape the chill—Stu winning the draw for the seat directly under the heater. To keep spirits high, Cranners pitched our late slot as the hockey equivalent of Sky’s "Prime Time" football. Sadly, that’s about where the Premier League comparisons ended.

Letchworth proved to be a difficult deck to read. Their rotating midfield dictated the tempo from the start, leaving us with very few cards to play in their half. Their pacey young wingers kept our defense on their toes, recycling possession effectively to keep the pressure high.
Despite the onslaught, we reached halftime only 1-0 down thanks to some desperate defensive plays:
A goal-line clearance from Kieron. A "lucky flip" when a goal was disallowed after the umpires finally agreed the ball hadn't traveled the required 5. And a triple save (apparently) from MoM Si.
Our only real offensive spark in the first half came from Hugh, whose shot whistled just wide of the mark.

The halftime talk focused on control and movement, but Letchworth refused to fold. They continued to dominate the play, adding three more goals to their tally. While James nearly pulled one back with a dazzling run and a stinging shot that forced a great save, the whistle blew on a 4-0 defeat.

The game was best summed up by the opposition, who asked, "What happened? We expected a much tighter game after the reverse fixture." It’s fair to say we’re in a transition period, shuffling through different combinations as the season progresses. We’ll take the hit, reset the deck, and go again next week.

Sunday 1st February

Home Fixtures

Women’s O35 vs St Ives - 4-2 win
Goal scorers: Gem x2, Tor & Jo

The Broxbourne O35s arrived for Sunday’s showdown with St Ives running on a mixture of determination, sore muscles, and questionable life choices. With several players still aching from Saturday’s matches—and a few heroic 4am get‑ins—the squad was lighter than originally planned, but the spirit was anything but depleted. Even with a reshuffled line-up, the Badgers were confident they could rise to the challenge.

A huge boost came in the form of Pip’s return, and from her very first touch it was clear she had very much still got it. Calm, composed, and slotting back into the team as if she’d never been away, she lifted the whole group.

Facing an unfamiliar St Ives side, Broxbourne kept things tight early on, holding their shape and building play with patience. Their discipline paid off when Jo struck first, giving Broxbourne a deserved 1–0 lead and setting the tone for the half. The momentum stayed with the Badgers, though they did occasionally make life harder than necessary with the odd loose pass or moment of hesitation.

Captain Willsy stepped in with a timely surge of positivity, rallying the group and helping them rediscover their rhythm. Broxbourne continued to press, create, and control large spells of the game.

But St Ives weren’t going to sit back forever. They began to find their rhythm, stringing together phases of play that pushed Broxbourne deeper. Very quickly, that shift in momentum told. A sharp attack caught the Badgers slightly off balance, and St Ives took full advantage, turning the game on its head and nudging themselves into a 2–1 lead.

As if the momentum swing wasn’t frustrating enough, the match delivered its most eyebrow‑raising moment shortly after. Sharon was shown a green card—her first in her entire playing career. The reaction from the bench and the players on the pitch made it abundantly clear that Broxbourne felt the decision was… let’s say, enthusiastically premature. Michelle then reinforced this viewpoint with admirable conviction during the half‑time umpire chat.

Half‑time arrived with Broxbourne trailing 2–1, but the restart brought instant chaos—in the best possible way. Gemma Wilkinson, who had been extremely reluctant to leave the warmth of the bench, was forcibly launched onto the pitch by Manager Tors. Within seconds—literally seconds—she had sprinted the ball into the D and fired home a reverse‑stick finish to level the score. A dramatic entrance, an even more dramatic impact.

Fifteen minutes later, Gemma struck again, completing her brace and flipping the match back in Broxbourne’s favour. The energy lifted, the confidence returned, and the Badgers pushed on with purpose.

In the final ten minutes, Tor Chapman sealed the deal with a thunderous fourth goal, smashing the ball home and securing the win. No penalty flicks required this week, and an enormous sigh of relief washed over Captain Willsy, who had absolutely no desire to relive last week’s shootout trauma.

A special shout‑out goes to Kirsty B, who was heroically recruited after being accosted at junior training. She stepped in without hesitation and made a huge difference.

A gritty, chaotic, character‑filled performance — and a well‑earned victory for the O35s.

Mixed vs St Albans - 5-3 loss

Coming up this weekend

Saturday 7th February

Home Fixtures
10am - Ladies 5s vs Berkhamsted & Hemel 4
11.30am - Mens 2s vs Welwyn Garden City 1
1.30pm - Ladies 1s vs Chelmsford 1
3.30pm - Mens 1s Harleston Magpies 1

Away Fixtures
11.30am - Ladies 3s vs Hertford 2
11.30am - Ladies 4s vs Bedford 6
12pm - Mens 4s vs Letchworth 5
12.30pm - Ladies 2s vs Old Loughtonians 2
1pm - Mens 3s vs Rickmansworth 1
3pm - Mens 5s vs Potters Bar 3 Dev