Saturday began far too early, with a 10am pushback and some of the squad clearly not agreeing to this level of consciousness. Fortunately, Box arrived with a proposal to keep us awake: The Traitors, Badgers edition. The plan is for Box to lead the Badgers through weekly challenges as our very own Claudia, with rumours that the wig has already been pre-ordered and is ready for its big debut. Whether this is a Traitors game or an elaborate attempt to secure a Head & Shoulders sponsorship remains unclear, and we're still waiting for the BBC to confirm whether Box is available for the next series.
It was a big day for Kathryn, who was given permission by her family to drive herself to the game, on the basis that it was only a 20-minute journey and surely nothing too catastrophic could happen. She arrived in one piece, despite a recent near miss which she insists was entirely the other driver's fault and demonstrated excellent emergency braking. A strong case for the Faithfuls, although suspiciously convenient evidence before the Traitors have even begun.
Grace, meanwhile, had apparently decided that the Badgers needed their own behind-the-scenes documentary and may or may not have “borrowed” a camera from work. For legal reasons, she maintains that she has never seen this camera before. Nevertheless, she spent the morning filming enough footage to suggest we were starring in A Day in the Life of the Badgers rather than preparing for a game. Should Box require incriminating footage for the first round table, Grace appears to have accidentally done most of the work already. To be fair, the angles were excellent.
Once on the pitch, we seemed to wake up quickly and started well. Kathryn's early attempt at a tackle turned into a rather impressive tumble, followed by a backstick, the final addition to what was becoming a very strong case for donkey. Fortunately, the Gemma² special was soon in full effect, with Gemma G taking on pretty much the entire opposition before finding Gemma W in the D, who finished it nicely to put the Badgers 1–0 up.
The Badgers technically found the net twice more, but unfortunately both occurred outside the D. Clearly, the next training session needs to focus on acting skills, because convincing the umpires there was a touch in the D proved harder than expected. The forward line of Isla, Charlotte, Millie and Gemma W gave berko trouble, with Millie making the rare transition from defence to forward and proving she can, in fact, play anywhere. Gemma W spent much of the game winning short corners leaving one of Berko's players overwhelmed by her skill that she required a brief emotional intermission. A difficult afternoon for them, but an excellent one for Gemma. In midfield, Ella, Grace R, Box and Gemma G kept things moving, linking up well and putting plenty of pressure on Berko and Hemel. The *DEFENCE* , Sue, Grace, Baz, Kathryn and Izzy put in a solid shift, keeping things under control.
Berko came out fighting in the second half, putting considerably more pressure on the Badgers. Fortunately, Izzy was having none of it, producing worldie after worldie to keep us in the game. Her performance earned herself player and more importantly proved herself as faithful.
So, The Traitors may not have officially begun yet, but there is already suspicious behaviour, questionable decision-making and at least one person we definitely don't trust behind the wheel. And with another 10am home game next week, the biggest mystery of all remains: Who schedules these games?

Mens 2s vs Bedford 4 - 5-1 win
Goal scorers: Jack x3, Baller x2
Assists: Dan, Browny x2 & Lance x2
Player: Simon
Donkey: Lance 
Broxbourne welcomed Bedford 4s to another glorious afternoon of hockey, looking to build on last week’s performance and, more importantly, establish themselves at the top end of the table.

The game started in a similar fashion to last week, with both teams fairly evenly matched and neither side particularly keen to give the other an early advantage.

That was until Broxbourne won a short corner.
Up stepped Dan Ball, fresh from finally opening his account last week. Perhaps a cloud had lifted.

Perhaps the pressure was off. Perhaps — and this is admittedly a bold prediction — he might even make mandatory training this week to sharpen up a bit.

Either way, Baller duly dispatched the corner and Broxbourne were ahead.

The second goal was arguably even better.
Some lovely possession hockey from Broxbourne eventually found Finn near the top of the D, who spotted the maverick Dan Ellis lurking with intent. Ellis then proceeded to weave some magic before smashing the ball back across the D for Jack to finish.

It was Jack's first of three — and probably the easiest of them.
Half time: Broxbourne 2–0 Bedford
At half time, the message was simple: raise the tempo and make the next ten minutes BIG.
And Broxbourne certainly tried.

The first five minutes of the second half were blistering. Dan Ellis, having apparently decided that one assist wasn't enough, could — and probably should — have scored a goal.

Or two.

Unfortunately, Bedford had other ideas and pulled one back to make it 2–1.

So what would Broxbourne do now?
Enter Will Fradley.
A battle cry from the veteran, followed by some extremely front-foot pressing, rallied the team.

Broxbourne immediately regained their momentum and started to put Bedford under serious pressure.

Browny then smashed the ball into the danger area where the self-styled Dennis Bergkamp of the team — Lance, obviously — produced another moment of quality, teeing up Jack for another supposedly easy finish.
Jack dispatched it with great confidence.
3–1.

Then came another Baller drag flick.
It was hit with such ferocity that the keeper really shouldn't have stood a chance. He probably didn't. 4–1.

From there, Broxbourne were dominant.

A-Law appeared to be rolling back the years, while Sully continued doing what Sully does best — running around a lot.

Fresh, meanwhile, was calm, composed and effective, putting in arguably his best performance of the season.
And then Jack completed his hat-trick.

5–1.
Three goals for Jack, two for Baller, and a thoroughly convincing second-half performance from Broxbourne.

There were also some excellent individual performances. Dan Henry had a great game, contributing an assist and working tirelessly throughout.
And Elliot is looking increasingly like he should be back in the 1s next week.

Overall, a very good performance from Broxbourne, particularly after Bedford threatened to make things interesting at 2–1.

Ladies 1s vs Cambridge City 2 - 0-0 draw
Player: Al
Donkey: Lara 

The Badgers arrived in the infamous changing room ready for another Saturday of elite sporting excellence, despite one small issue: Captain Ellie had bottled the team talk. Meanwhile, Coach Az was missing in action due to his mysterious “other job”. Thankfully, newly appointed Vice Captain Darcy stepped up and took control….by reading the bullet points written by Az from Ellie’s phone. However, in a stunning display of commitment to the team, Az decided to turn up for pushback. Priorities were in order.

A decent amount of pitch time before the game meant the Badgers finally had the opportunity to avoid warming up on the cricket field. A small victory, but a victory nonetheless. Pushback came and the Badgers rose to the challenge.

The Badgers held firm and kept Cambridge at bay. Chances came and went, legs were tired, but the defensive wall remained standing. Ellie, Jess, Amy and Sofia worked tirelessly up front, creating space, leads and putting the Cambridge defence under pressure. Darcy, Lydia, Lara, Hannah and Al worked in midfield, battling for every ball and putting in the miles to keep the momentum going. Lara somehow managed to combine a full hockey match with a side career in dirt biking — which may have consequentially impacted her being voted as Donkey. Lydia, however, had somewhere slightly more exciting to be, as she headed off somewhere we hope windscreen wipers weren’t required on the way there. Defenders Lisa, Emily, Meg, Skipp AND dark horse Al (who decided playing one position wasn’t enough) put in a huge shift, with their distribution and transfers, as well as making some crucial clearances. Another huge shoutout to GK Lily whose clean sheet was, naturally, followed by a reminder that she has conceded the least goals in the league!

The final whistle went and evidently goals weren’t really on the agenda today.

Broxbourne 0–0 Cambridge.

A thoroughly deserved POM was awarded to Al, who showcased her versatility and played both midfield and defence, providing a tonne of clean tackles to carry us out of trouble. Meanwhile…“Lara got donkey for not wearing lucky underwear, for skipping the game last week because of a dirt bike competition, shortening her skirt because she’s wants to give slutty vibes & for having a teen pregnancy last year”. DISCLAIMER: the majority of which is false information, courtesy of Ellie in aid of her own entertainment.

Anyway, the badgers gained their point, still remaining unbeaten. We go again next week, hungry for a bigger goal difference and with a new tactic: scoring.

Mens 4s vs Blueharts 9 - 1-1 draw
Goal scorer: Kev H
Assist: Symon
Player: Kev H 
The Men’s 4th team returned to familiar surroundings for a 3pm push back against a side dropping down a division for this campaign.

The squad was unchanged from last week, but with the addition of club Legend Andy Bourke coming in to strengthen the bench, having already played 5’s in the morning.
Harrison M, Ollie W, Luke and Joseph also playing their 2nd game of the day

Brief before the game was to carry on from where we left off last weeks win

A pretty much full house of supporters filled the stands for what was looking to be a belter

Brox starting well, passing the ball around. Opposition also had some good moments with the ball but calmly cut out by the Broxbourne backline

Early signs suggested that this was going to be tight and Broxbourne needed to dig deep and focus against an experienced side

Chances were few and far between from both teams, cancelling each others efforts
However the away team started to press more
A young Blue Harts fella with pace, started to get the better of broken left back Moorhouse, getting some well placed balls whipped across the D.
Fortunately coming to nothing

For the good of the team, Moorhouse came off, to be replaced by Bourke. A quick reshuffle at the back and game on !

Half time time whistle was very much welcomed
Drinks, a quick breather and a team talk was very much needed

Trev reminded the lads what we could be doing much better and to get playing the way we knew we can

2nd half reverted back to the original starting 11

Broxbourne decided to do the complete opposite of what Trevor had instructed and came under vast amounts of needless pressure
Broxbourne eventually paid the price and the visitors took the lead

The home side worked hard to get back into the game, but struggled to find the flow from the week before

A moment of hope came when Phil W wriggled through the oppositions defence only to taken out in what can only be described as assassination attempt.
The crowd went wild !

The final outcome was a free hit to the away team
This was looking to be a bad afternoon for Broxbourne

Thankfully the lord answered our prayers and Broxbourne were awarded a short corner moments from the end.
The injection controlled by Trev was sent whizzing into the net by none other than Kevin House

Elation and relief on the faces of the players and the supporters

Brox saw out the last few minutes and in the end settled for the draw

Post match debrief was always going to be obvious as everyone knew what what we needed to do to improve for next week

A short walk to the bar for a well earned boozy beverage

On to the next one

Ladies 5s vs Blueharts 7 - 3-2 loss
Goal scorers: Milly & Kath
Assists: Kath
Player: Caitlyn
Donkey: Tess

Although we were playing at home the opposition only had white tops so we were playing in pink, and everyone had read the message and turned up suitably attired ……. except Tess who, true to form, was in blue! Donkey decided before the first push back!
The late slot at home only allowed for a quick warm up but we were ready to take up where we left off last week and hopefully continue our winning ways.
Not expecting to be writing the match report and with a brain like a sieve here are the highlights.
The game was even with a lot of midfield play, both sides having attacks into the D’s. Kate, in our goal made some great saves. We had a short corner from which their keeper saved a shot from Kath, who picked up the rebound and somehow got the ball to Milly whose shot beat the keeper.
The next significant event was when Teagan made a tackle only to go over on her ankle, she remained on the ground in obvious pain. However, as no foul had taken place play continued with Blueharts heading into our D. With a lot of us distracted and concerned about Teagan we were a bit light in defence and unfortunately they scored. 1-1 at half time.
After an encouraging team talk from Lisa, we headed out for the second half. Again, it was end to end play with Lorraine, Mumma B, Sharon and Caitlyn defending well. The ball often got held up in midfield, Tess with a lot of possession but struggling to find the forwards who were in a lot of space, although she also made some great passes. Shannon and Imogen had some great runs into the last quarter.
Blueharts were awarded 2 shorts from which they got a further 2 (annoyingly good goals from direct shots) which Kate (with the low sun in her eyes) couldn’t save. 1-3 down seemed a bit harsh but we didn’t give up. We had a short which was defended, Blueharts tried to clear but the keepers kick out wide went straight to Kath who fired it into the net.
Mentions also go to Daniela who had a frustrating game trying get on the end of passes from the midfield, Annie for her tenacity at all times and Aimee for playing out of position again. Overall a really encouraging performance with some great hockey, we were determined and made it a very competitive match. Lots of positives despite the loss.
Thanks to Lisa on the sideline who managed our subs, always a difficult task for a playing captain.
Player - there were a few players receiving a vote but the most went to Caitlyn, who despite getting opposing instructions from different people, kept her cool and had a very good game.
Donkey was Tess for being in blue.
Sunday morning. Teagan, unable to put weight on her foot, visited A&E. Outcome was a sprained ankle and a fracture in her foot. A really bad news for her and for us as we’ll miss her for quite a few weeks as she recovers.

Away Fixtures

Ladies 4s vs Blueharts 6 - 9-3 loss
Goal scorers: Meg H x2, Jo
Assists: Bryony & Annie
Player: Bryony
Donkey: Jaz & Hannah

Well, Saturday was certainly a game none of us will forget — mainly because it’s going to haunt our dreams forever, but sure, let’s call it memorable.
To kick things off, we were all delightfully optimistic and buzzing to take on Blueharts — legendary, of course, for their incredible teas and fancy facilities. They actually delivered on that part. The teas were great. The match? Not so much. Before we’d even stepped foot on the pitch, Jo ran a mechanics pop up shop, helping Lisa with her car tyres and advising Ella that if the car says low coolant, she should probably fill it up.

Car park antics over, onto the warm up. Feeling bold and full of misplaced confidence, we decided to switch things up with a revolutionary group warm‑up led by our absolute favourite Ex PE teacher, Annie. We got in a circle, we stretched, we flexed — very intense, very coordinated, very us. Meanwhile Frankie was busy trying to turn us into @broxbourneladies4s Instagram influencers, recording video clips, mini mic’s included. I made a groundbreaking discovery: upside down or right way up, my number #96 looks exactly the same. Truly history‑making content.
Then the actual match happened. For a glorious 8 whole minutes it looked like we might even pretend we knew what we were doing. Then reality hit: 1‑0 down. 11th minute: 2‑0. 24th minute: 3‑0. 25th minute: 4‑0. All before we’d even properly broken a sweat.
Mercifully, Bryony did something brilliant — set up Jo perfectly, who slotted it away from the P‑spot like an actual footballer. We scored! We felt almost human again! Blueharts, naturally, went “aw cute” and immediately scored another. Annie scored another but it was dissallowed as the umpire advised he hadn’t seen the crucial touch (everyone else had!). Half‑time: 5‑1. Joy.
At this stage we desperately needed Alisha — AKA Perky Perks — to magically appear, cheer us up, and save us from the onslaught by the opposition strikers. Tragically, she was nowhere to be seen. We soldiered on anyway, gave ourselves the pep talk, shared the sweets, and marched back out with our heads held unreasonably high. We won a short corner, and — would you believe it — it actually worked! Injection by Annie to Ella, back to Annie, across the D to Meg and GOAL!! 5‑2! We felt like world champions.
That lasted six seven minutes. Then: 6‑2. 7‑2. 8‑2. 9‑2. Four goals in six minutes. It was like watching a slow‑motion car crash that kept getting worse. Tactical disagreements had, strong words exchanged, subs made — basically everything except stopping them scoring more. It got so bad the umpire offered to call the game early. Slightly embarrassing but did we quit? Of course not. We stuck it out. Meg scored another absolute pearler just to make the scoreline slightly less embarrassing, so final score: 9‑3. Thrilling stuff.
Now for the part that actually matters: THE TEAS. We got BBQ ham and potato hash with salad. It was genuinely lovely. Ella tried her hand at bartending behind the “bar” and that went absolutely nowhere, stick to hockey Ella but we’ll let her live it down. Final ratings: teas 7/10, facilities 8/10 — docking points because the hand dryers are placed where no human arm can comfortably reach. Now time for awards - Player of the Match: Bryony for saves that defied physics and general brilliance and Donkey Awards: Me (Jaz) for having a full‑on public meltdown on the pitch, and Hannah for… let’s say tactical differences… with the defence. Fingers crossed we can recover in time to put in a better performance at Home next week.

Mens 5s Dev vs Southgate 7 Dev - 3-1 loss
Goal scorer: Danny M
Assist: Ollie W
Player: Isaac G
Donkey: Joe W

No match report. 

Ladies 3s vs WGC 1 - 4-1 win
Goal scorers: Cerys, Hannah, Bob & Maisie
Assists: Bob, Hannah & Cerys x2
Player: Hannah
Donkey: Bob

After a positive win last week, the Badgers were looking for another set of points, this time away at Welwyn Garden City. We knew it wouldn’t be an easy match, with the opposition having been relegated from the league above at the end of last season.
Having been warned about possible parking issues due to an event at the university, the team arrived with plenty of time to spare and began the long walk to the Welwyn Garden City pitch.

The message at the start was simple: go strong and attack. And that is exactly what Broxbourne did.

The Badgers started brightly and enjoyed plenty of possession and dominance, but despite the pressure, they unfortunately found themselves 1–0 down. Kim was unable to find the ball as it got caught up in her pads, allowing the WGC forward to tuck it away into the goal.

But, in true Ladies 3s fashion, the comeback was on.

Some great passages of play and excellent link-up passing saw Broxbourne get themselves back on level terms not long afterwards. This week we had four different goal scorers on the scoresheet, with the first coming from Cerys after very technical short corner left slip from Bob after a beautiful injection from Hannah.

One thing that was particularly noticeable about the goals this week was how often they started from the back. Some great transferring across the pitch and some swift passing allowed the team to break through and create opportunities for the forwards to add to the scoreboard.

The second goal came via Maisie on the left post following an amazing run up the right from Hannah after some lovely work round the back.

The first half ended 2–1 to Broxbourne, but the Badgers knew they still had more in the tank. With an extra substitute compared to the opposition, the squad depth was always going to play in their favour.

And so it proved.

In the second half, Broxbourne found another two goals from Hannah and Bob, and created several more opportunities, along with a flurry of short corners. The Badgers continued to put pressure on WGC and looked increasingly dangerous as the game went on.

As the clock ticked down, WGC grew more frustrated and began throwing everything they had at the Broxbourne defence. Thankfully, the Badgers stood firm.

It would have helped if Tors could have stopped a ball at all, though. She appeared to have developed a rather sizeable hole in her stick this week! It must have been noticeable, because even her mum commented on it — and she has absolutely no knowledge of hockey!

The final whistle went with Broxbourne Ladies 3XI winning 4–1. A fantastic result and another valuable three points for the Badgers.

Player of the Match: Hannah for her work rate, shots and runs!

And finally, the Donkey of the Week award goes to Bob for a post-match tossing of her melon — followed by almost picking it up and eating it, only to be stopped by Kirsty shouting, “Three-second rule!”

Another great performance, another three points, and plenty of positives to take into next week.

Next week, the Badgers travel to St Albans, hoping to bag a few more points and keep the momentum going.

Mens 1s vs Dereham 1 - 3-2 loss
Goal scorers: Eddie & Toby
Assists: Sam & Elliott
Player: Elliott
Donkey: Josh
Cards: Stan (yellow), Tomi (green)

The Badgers made the short trip to undefeated Dereham full of spirit. Unfortunately, after a quick detour to Batman’s car wash, those spirits were quickly dampened after finding themselves stuck in what can only be described as Harry Potter’s room under the stairs.

Still trying to iron out a few body creases, the match got underway and, much like the story of last season, the Badgers soon found themselves 3–0 down. Some suspect defending, combined with one defender deciding to play the wrong kind of hockey — ice hockey — with their stick, certainly didn’t help.

The Badgers finally found their way back into the match when Instagram-famous Toby unleashed a trademark reverse-stick shot straight down the middle of the goal to get the Badgers on the scoresheet. He should have quickly made it two, but his not-so-trademark forehand effort from the P spot somehow went four yards wide.

Into the second half and the Badgers continued to push for a second, eventually getting their reward when nippy forward Eddie found some space on the edge of the D and smashed home to bring the Badgers within one.

Hope briefly faded when a seemingly clean tackle from reckless Stanley Mason resulted in a 10-minute yellow card and a short corner. Thankfully, the GK and postman combination were on hand to expertly keep it out.

The Badgers thought they had clawed back a point when normally composed Groves somehow failed to divert the ball into the goal from mere centimetres away. But hope was not lost. The ball fell just three yards out to the man you want it to fall to…

Ed House.

The rest, as they say, is history.

A 3–2 loss, a green card for new recruit Tomi for suggesting the umpire was “guessing”, and a chickpea-based offering for teas rounded off a frustrating afternoon.

The schedule doesn’t get any easier next week, with in-form Cambridge City making the trip to Broxbourne

Mens 3s vs Stevenage 2 - 5-2 win
Goal scorers: KP x3, Henry & Cranners
Assists: Cranners x3, Scott & Harrison
Player: Henry

Broxbourne travelled to Stevenage eager to get our first points on the board. We started slowly, with Stevenage having the better of the early play, but soon began to settle and take control.

As the midfield grew into the game, Kieron and Henry put in plenty of graft, while driving runs from Cranners and Harrison pushed Stevenage back. KP struck twice and Cranners added another, with Cranners and Scott providing assists, to send us into half-time 3–0 up.

We carried that momentum into the second half, enjoying the better of the possession and converting it into two early goals. KP completed his hat-trick, and Henry scored his first of the season, with Harrison and Cranners supplying the assists.

The game became a little ragged after that, and Stevenage pulled two goals back late on. But Broxbourne had done enough, and the final whistle confirmed a 5–2 win.

It was a great team performance. Everyone did their bit, worked for each other and played a part in getting those first points on the board. It’s a relief to get off the mark, and now our season is underway. Next up, Southgate Adelaide away on the beach pitch!

Coming up next weekend…

Saturday 10th October
Home Fixtures
10am - Ladies 2s vs St Albans 4
11.30am - Men’s 2s vs St Albans 4
1.30pm - Men’s 1s vs Cambridge City 1
3pm - Ladies 4s vs West Herts 4

Away Fixtures
10am - Ladies 5s vs Stevenage 4
11.30am - Mens 3s vs Southgate Adelaide 1
12pm - Ladies 1s vs Braintree 1
3pm - Ladies 3s vs St Albans 5
3.30pm - Mens 4s vs Bishop’s Stortford 6
4.30pm - Mens 5s Dev vs Potters Bar 3 Dev

Upcoming Matches

League

17 Oct PB 10:00

Broxbourne 5 Development